theOneliner.com Review Directory


Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

There is nothing new under the sun.

Check out the full review!


Olympus Has Fallen

Acceptable in the 80s.

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Pacific Rim

A rare del Toro disappointment.

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Wake Wood

The woods have, er...awoken.

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Hummingbird

Statham's best acting turn, but the shifting tones of this drama lets the side down.

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World War Z

Zed’s dead, baby. Zed’s dead.

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Shame

It's a shame it's not more interesting.

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Identity Thief

Acceptably funny road trip shenanigans, mainly due to the talented leads.

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Oblivion

By no means a bad apocalypto-sci-fi outing, but it's much more predictable than it thinks it is.

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Great Gatsby, The

A trifle too audacious for it's own good, but it's truer to the novel than you'd expect.

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Star Trek Into Darkness

Pretty much more of the same, but not quite as good.

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Iron Man 3

A brilliant bubble-gum tent-pole spectacular.

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Cloud Atlas

Laudably ambitious, for which we, er, laud it, although it's far from perfect and understandably too esoteric for many tastes

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Side Effects

Talent and flair elevate this competent but unremarkable script to become a very solid, well-built drama.

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Trance

Far-fetched but very enjoyable thriller.

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Dark Knight Rises, The

Weakest of the trilogy, but still one of the best comic book adaptations ever.

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Welcome to the Punch

Stylish but generic, mildly miscast thriller with a ludicrous conspiracy angle.

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Parker

An ordinary decent criminal flick.

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Hyde Park on Hudson

Less a character study, more a character quick-flick-through-the-summary-notes.

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Lincoln

Another powerhouse central performance from Day-Lewis makes potentially dry subject matter riveting.

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Gangster Squad

Unabashedly juvenile take on The Untouchables, hardly essential viewing but more fun that it has any right to be.

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Zero Dark Thirty

Zero percent interest.

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Django Unchained

Ridiculous, but also a ridiculous amount of fun.

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Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, The

Some really nice film-making in here, but the non-Tolkien additions are weak.

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Les Misérables

For crying out loud, he only stole a loaf of bread!

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How I Spent My Summer Vacation

What Mel did next.

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Headhunters

Once you've turned the corner, there's Norway back.

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Berberian Sound Studio

Giallo, is it me you're looking for?

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End of Watch

Watch to the end (arf), because it's really good.

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Lawless

Pointless.

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Rust and Bone

Great character acting, dreadful characters.

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Taken 2

Completely unnecessary, completely mediocre, and completely ignorable.

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Skyfall

Perhaps not the best Bond, but it's a bloody good one.

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Ruby Sparks

A damn good shaggy dog story.

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Four Lions

A mixture of cutting satire and absurdism.

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Post Mortem

Massively disappointing drama, without tension or remotely likeable characters.

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Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, The

Startlingly dark, greatly enjoyable thriller.

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Attack the Block

Competent directorial debut from Cornish, but lacks spark.

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Bridesmaids

Top performances make this one of the funniest films this year.

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X-Men: First Class

Surprisingly, the best of the franchise.

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An Education

Polished period piece with powerful performances.

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District 9

The clash of styles is distracting, but there's a decent amount of entertainment to be had.

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Troll Hunter

Delivers pretty much what you'd expect, as long as you don't expect too much.

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Survival of the Dead

Zombie Western? Sounds awesome! But isn't.

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Legion

Takes itself far too seriously, given the subject matter.

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You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger

While a halfway-decent film, an ultimately forgettable Woody Allen outing.

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Hanna

A little too imaginative for its own good.

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Elite Squad 2

Worthy sequel to the original favella-based crime-basher.

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Something Borrowed

Identikit romcom that says nothing, does nothing, and means nothing.

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Bobby Fischer Against The World

Compelling look at the talented, flawed chess genius.

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Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sec, The

Very likable shaggy dog story with a charming lead performance.

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Whatever Works

Enjoyable, mature comedy that's well worth a look.

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Thor

Hardly divine, but we don't need a Viking funeral for it.

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Our Day Will Come

I have no idea what's going on here, but I know I don't like it.

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Unknown

Quite forgettable.

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True Grit

Well acted, tightly directed and well paced Western.

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Adjustment Bureau, The

Very entertaining and thought provoking shaggy dog story, featuring awesome hats.

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Source Code

Punchy, engaging time-bending science fiction with a 24 hint.

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Paul

Entirely adequate alien roadtrip rockaround comedy, but no-one involved's best.

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Norwegian Wood

You Won't See Me.

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Battle: Los Angeles

Escapist, explosion filled fun.

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Animal Kingdom

Unpleasant tales, unpleasantly told.

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Tomboy

Mature adolescence tale.

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Phase 7

No one gets in, no one gets out.

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Oliver Sherman

Minimalist drama that makes for uncomfortable but compelling viewing.

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Snowman's Land

Snow laughing matter.

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People vs. George Lucas, The

Geeks vs. First World Problems.

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Road to Las Vegas, The

Insight-free documentary looking at turbulent times in a family.

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Cherry Tree Lane

The Rocky Middle Class Horror Show

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Jackboots on Whitehall

Idiosyncratic stop-motion animation that loses the battle early on.

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Boy

Likeable, imaginative tale of father - son bonding.

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Two Eyes Staring

Staring blankly, I'd wager. Hardly a terribly thriller, but rather dull.

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World's Greatest Dad

Likeable, but not overly hilarious comic outing.

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Illusionist, The

Accomplished, beautifully crafted slice of melancholia.

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Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Perfectly adequate swashbuckler, even if it is based on a videogame.

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Avatar

The Smurfs Action Spectacular! Note: Not Spectacular.

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Missing Person, The

Effective, cynical neo-noir detective trail.

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Le Donk & Scor-zay-zee

Shane Meadows once again proves he's incapable of making a bad film

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Architect, The

Sparse but oddly compelling oddball family drama.

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Mary and Max

Devilishly funny, utterly charming off kilter stop-motion animation.

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Goodbye, How Are You?

Best satirical documentary fairytale of the year.

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Harmony and Me

Supposed to be a comedy. Not funny. Fail.

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Terribly Happy

Interesting, off-beat Danish thriller.

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Giallo

Ludicrously hilarious Argento outing, largely because it's so ludicrous.

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Breathless

Violent, bleak gangster cum domestic violence film. Powerful, if not perfect calling card from a promising young director.

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Antichrist

Miserable failure dressed as artistic exploration. Pish. No, actually, complete pish.

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Fear Me Not

The drugs don't work, they just warp your character.

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Easier with Practice

Sparse, dull phone-sex relate-o-drama.

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Terminator Salvation

Had low expectations; still left disappointed. Charmless, artless, and often boring. Stop making films, McG. Please.

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Rule #1

Cops vs. ghosts. Works better as an offbeat police procedural than as a scary movie.

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Little Soldier

Above average drama, albeit a relentlessly bleak one.

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X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Competent enough action film, but we expect a little more from the franchise.

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Star Trek

Science Fiction that's pleasingly free of all of that troublesome "science" stuff. Rip-roaring space opera, hugely enjoyable.

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Dragonball Evolution

Massively juvenile, but seeing as that's who it's aimed at it'd be churlish to complain

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Monsters vs Aliens

Perfectly adequate outing trundling off the 3D kiddypleaser conveyor belt, but nothing more than adequate.

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Damned United, The

Typically superb performance from Michael Sheen in this excellent character piece.

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Unborn, The

Pish.

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Curious Case of Benjamin Button, The

The most curious thing is how well regarded it is.

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Gran Torino

Well-crafted and enjoyable casually racist drama.

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Watchmen

Superbly handled adaptation, uncompromisingly brutal with themes providing way more to discuss than most of its peers.

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International, The

Thrill-less thriller.

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Slumdog Millionaire

It's a really good film. Just not 'eight Oscars' good.

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Milk

You'll probably cry over it.

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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

Perfectly adequate if unnecessary coming-of-age first love-type hokum.

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Valkyrie

Surprisingly compelling for a thriller where we all know the ending.

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Frost/Nixon

The remainder is excellence.

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JCVD

Being Jean Claude has never been so much fun.

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Che: Part One

Not just a pretty face on your T-Shirt.

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Wrestler, The

Acutely observed, brilliantly acted character study.

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Reader, The

Why choose between "really silly" and "really boring" when you can have both?

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Seven Pounds

Vaguely disinteresting and disappointing, given the hype.

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Defiance

There's nothing wrong with it, but I can't be all that enthusiastic about it.

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Twilight

Terrible vampire action, terrible teen romance. Now with added terrible.

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Dean Spanley

An odd film, certainly, but a great one.

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Lakeview Terrace

An uneasy mix of competent thriller and iffy characterisation.

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Day The Earth Stood Still, The

Respectable, if pointless remake.

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Zack and Miri Make A Porno

More Aptow than Smith, but pretty damn funny anyway.

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Warlords

The grim face of wushu.

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W.

Tell me something that I don't know.

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Transporter 3

Needs more action. Needs less talking. Needs the franchise put to sleep.

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Red Cliff

Blue Balls

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Quantum of Solace

Casino Royale One and a Half

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Pride and Glory

Dull cop corruption nondrama.

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My Best Friend's Girl

Dismal. Not funny.

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Midnight Meat Train

Bloody, stupid, and bloody stupid.

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Max Payne

Surprisingly action free, given the source material.

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Ghost Town

A very British haunted romcom.

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Eagle Eye

Exceptionally silly thriller, but entertaining enough.

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Choking Man

Almost Nihilistic in its complete lack of point.

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Choke

Superb adaptation of a typically flawed Palahniuk character.

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Changeling

LAPD business plan: 1. Return wrong child in baffling police corruption case. 2. ??? 3. Profit!

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Body of Lies

Exceedingly unmemorable spy caper.

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How to Lose Friends & Alienate People

Not unwatchable, but nothing like funny enough for a comedy.

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Mutant Chronicles, The

Chronic pacing stiffs this one.

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Taken

Sure, it delights in violence, but its violence is delightful.

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88 Minutes

None of which you will get back.

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Righteous Kill

There is nothing whatsoever righteous about this.

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Tropic Thunder

Just funny enough to support the daffy concept.

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Strangers, The

Tall, dark and dull.

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RocknRolla

Familiar Guy.

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Pineapple Express

Bizarre idea for a comedy, but it certainly works.

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Death Race

A halfway decent Paul W.S. Anderson film, which I believe is a sign of the Apocalypse.

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Chocolate

Exceedingly silly, exceedingly enjoyable martial arts hokum.

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Girl Who Leapt Through Time, The

Touching story, beautiful animation, cornball ending.

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Chaser, The

Less than gripping tale of arbitrary bureaucracy. And serial killers.

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Triangle

Messy multidirectorial experiment. Brave but misguided.

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Bangkok Dangerous

A remake that changes absolutely every aspect of the original. Including the quality.

Check out the full review!


X-Files: I Want To Believe, The

Lacklustre outing that's not likely to revive the husk of the series.

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Wackness, The

Nothing new, perhaps, but certainly really good.

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Rocker, The

Familiar content and setup perhaps, but damned if it isn't funny.

Check out the full review!


Eye, The

I've seen worse.

Check out the full review!


Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, The

It's not a terrible film, but it's barely worth the effort of having it parade in front of your eyeballs.

Check out the full review!


Forbidden Kingdom, The

Decent enough kiddy-friendly chop-sockey only overshadowed by the stellar supporting cast eclipsing the lead.

Check out the full review!


Starship Troopers 3: Marauder

Not entirely dismal slice of hokum, but of no interest outside of fans of the original.

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Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Largely 'meh' inducing introduction to a telly series.

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Mirrors

Seven years of bad horror films.

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Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Needs less CG. And more rubber suits.

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Elite Squad

City of Cops.

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CJ7

Intergalactic Space Dogs. Y'know, for kids.

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Burn After Reading

Huzzah! A proper Coen Brothers film!

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Ben X

Belgian waffle.

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Babylon A.D.

More drivel than babel, sadly.

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Puffball

Worryingly terrible nominal horror, neither unsettling nor vaguely interesting.

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Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, The

Mildly disappointing, more-of-same child friendly fantasy shenanigans.

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Mad Detective

Unique, unbalanced police procedural that's enjoyable but ultimately forgettable.

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Dark Knight, The

Best Batman film for a while, probably the best comic book superhero film.

Check out the full review!


WALL-E

Best Pixar film for a while, but certainly not the best Pixar film.

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City Of Men

Back to the favelas, with diminishing returns.

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Film With Me In It, A

Extraordinarily black comic farce, crowd pleasing for a somewhat twisted crowd.

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Bigga Than Ben: A Russians' Guide to Ripping Off London

More good than bad in the story of two Russians more bad than good.

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Left Bank

Faintly tedious, rather silly horror flick masquerading as a thriller.

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Helen

Stilted, wooden exploration of stilted, wooden characters.

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With A Girl Of Black Soil

Bleak, minimalist Korean drama. Excellent despite this.

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Encounters at the End of the World

What Werner did on his holiday.

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Gloss: The Director's Cut

Ultimately as vacuous as the world it hopes to represent.

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Mermaid

Largely decent whimsical, off-kilter Russian doodad.

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Summer

Robert Carlyle's best performance since Trainspotting.

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Eden

Worthy but somewhat dull relationship drama lifted by quality performances.

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Trail of the Screaming Forehead

Initially amusing spoof of '50s B-Movies that runs out of ideas far too soon.

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Dummy

Dire coming-of-age drama that has about as much life as the mannequin of the title.

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Warsaw Dark

Good-looking thriller which could do with more than a little light being shone on the plot.

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Dreams With Sharp Teeth

One Angry Man

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Third Pint, The

Holiday movies plus daffy philosophy? No ta.

Check out the full review!


Juche Idea, The

Ho ho ho, Kim Jong Il, yeah yeah yeah...

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Somers Town

Mike Leigh take note - THIS is how you make an upbeat film.

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Fujian Blue

Oddly structured but compelling look at Fujian Province's immigration headaches.

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Song of Sparrows, The

Sweet and gentle comedy, and a great antidote to the image of Iran we are normally presented.

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We Went To Wonderland

Involving travelogue nee examination of an elder Chinese generation's view of the Western world.

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Crack Willow

The movie equivalent of absolute zero.

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Red Awn, The

Minimalist rural Chinese relationship drama, broody, slow burning and well worth watching.

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Appeared, The

Well produced, well acted, ultimately not scary horror effort.

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Milky Way Liberation Front

Baffling and rather poor... well, can't narrow it down much further than 'film', really.

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Edge of Love, The

Edge away slowly.

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Doomsday

Oh good, this year's Timeline has arrived.

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Iron Man

An entirely different man of steel.

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Juno

What's all the fuss about?

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Rambo

Bloody hell.

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National Treasure: Book of Secrets

The ugly side of popcorn munching.

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In Bruges

In the best possible taste.

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Corporation, The

Leverage your corporate knowledge pool into a rapid rage growth paragdim.

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Jesus Camp

I'm sure Leviticus wouldn't like the suggestion that Jesus was camp.

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Last Dining Table, The

Ludicrously tedious exploration of... pretty much nothing.

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Sweeney Todd : The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

An Equal Opportunities musical; you need not be able to sing to appear in it.

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Manufacturing Dissent: Uncovering Michael Moore

Yeurgh. Cover him back up! My eyes! My eyes!

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Breath

Another minimalist oddity from Ki-Duk Kim, intriguing yet often baffling.

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Balls of Fury

Yes, 'balls' is about right.

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I Am Legend

No, you're quite clearly not.

Check out the full review!


Planet Terror

Amiable paean to the B movie horror drive-in.

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1408

Straight to room 101

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Death Proof

If only it were Weinstein proof...

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Bourne Ultimatum, The

Entertainment ad infinitum.

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I'm a Cyborg, But That's Okay

It's not much more than okay, mind.

Check out the full review!


Illusionist, The

Slight of hand, slim of substance, but diverting nonetheless.

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XXY

Another solid entry in the crowded 'Argentinean hermaphrodite drama' sub-category.

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Protagonist

Nothing like as pretentious as the concept sounds. Which is a good thing. Obv.

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Old Garden, The

Beautifully shot, touching melodrama.

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Solitary Fragments

Nothing ever happens. Nothing happens at all.

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Teeth

Remember, remember, you may be dismembered.

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Hottest State, The

Love affair goes wrong. Stop me if you've heard this one before.

Check out the full review!


Simpsons Movie, The

Well, 'More Simpsons' has never been a bad thing, has it?

Check out the full review!


Flying Scotsman, The

It's actually a bike, not an aeroplane.

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Rush Hour 3

The best of this summer's threequels, but the finish begins to tarnish.

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Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Abridged too far.

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Transformers

Robots in your pies.

Check out the full review!


Die Hard 4.0

Shockingly, actually pretty good. We direct your attention to the impending Apocalypse.

Check out the full review!


Shrek the Third

Third rate.

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Hitcher, The

Hurrah! Another remake! Pointless but acceptable retread.

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Number 23, The

Every bit as logical and brilliant as The Butterfly Effect!

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Fantastic Four - The Rise of the Silver Surfer

Oh. I'd rather been hoping for the Rise and Fall of Reginald Perrin.

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Outlaw

The Daily Mail guide to social justice.

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Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

414 - Out of pirate puns error. Please reboot franchise and retry.

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Shooter

Possibly a bit dum-dum, makes a fairly hollow point, but still on target for thrills. A-haw-hee haaaw...

Check out the full review!


Hills Have Eyes II, The

You also have eyes. Use them to watch something else. Anything else. Pleeeeease...

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300

Mediocre. With style!

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Premonition

I have seent the future, and in it Sandra Bullock gives me my two hours back.

Check out the full review!


Babel

Here comes the new film, same as the old film.

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Hot Fuzz

Die Hard in a small town.

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Perfume - The Story of a Murderer

Just how stupid do you think I am?

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Ghost Rider

Who you gonna call? A better ghost writer.

Check out the full review!


Notes On A Scandal

Make Philip Glass stop now.

Check out the full review!


Pursuit of Happyness, The

Overbearingly downtempo.

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Blood Diamond

Almost a real gem

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Apocalypto

One Mayan his jaguar.

Check out the full review!


Night at the Museum

Yaaaaaawwwwwnnnn...

Check out the full review!


Night Listener, The

Mildly diverting, mercifully short, mostly disposable.

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Eragon

Grand Theft Lucas. And Tolkien. And Eddings.

Check out the full review!


Pan's Labyrinth

Civil war / fairytale mashup. Intriguing if not mind-blowing.

Check out the full review!


Host, The

South Korean Godzilla / Eastenders hybrid.

Check out the full review!


Prestige, The

Oh ho ho, it's magic, y'know? Never believe it's not so.

Check out the full review!


Casino Royale

Oh yes. Now we're talking...

Check out the full review!


Jackass Number Two

More of the same, which for once is welcome.

Check out the full review!


Departed, The

As good a remake as you could hope for, were you in fact hoping for another one.

Check out the full review!


Saw III

Getting rusty

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Borat

Laugh at the foreigner.

Check out the full review!


Good Year, A

Will he live in a house, a very nice house in the country?

Check out the full review!


Devil Wears Prada, The

The best tunes, the worst films.

Check out the full review!


History Boys, The

History will be kind to them, thanks to the skill of the writer.

Check out the full review!


Clerks II

Much the same as the last one, but in colour.

Check out the full review!


World Trade Center

Utter fluff.

Check out the full review!


Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Usual inspired Ferrell sillyness. Cougars for teh winnar!

Check out the full review!


Snow Cake

Crazy people aren't awesome.

Check out the full review!


Black Dahlia, The

Noir-tainted thriller ruined by its own silly tendencies.

Check out the full review!


Right At Your Door

Certainly not a DHL advert. Or worth bothering with.

Check out the full review!


Volver

It's been emotional.

Check out the full review!


Severance

A horror movie I liked? The apocalypse approacheth.

Check out the full review!


Great Happiness Space - Tale of an Osaka Love Thief, The

Pathos-laden look at a strange Japanese social phenomenon.

Check out the full review!


H6 - Diary of an Assassin

Effective enough schlock horror, pretensions of anything more cerebral excepted.

Check out the full review!


Crude Awakening - The Oil Crash, A

Scaremongering for sure, but a useful wake-up call to a world without oil.

Check out the full review!


Uncertain Guest, The

It's a thriller! It's a farce! Ultimately, it's a bit silly! Nonetheless, it works.

Check out the full review!


Midnight My Love

Lovable romance with nice stylistic touches and a terrible final reel.

Check out the full review!


Next Door

Taut but utterly telegraphed thriller.

Check out the full review!


Al Franken: God Spoke

Truth, justice and the American way.

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Snakes On A Plane

Does exactly what it says on the tin.

Check out the full review!


Lost, The

Shock! Horror! Self-proclaimed shocker fails to shock! or horror!

Check out the full review!


Iceberg

The comic value of Mr. Bean with the charm of Norman Tebbit.

Check out the full review!


First Love

Middling noirish navelgazing romance / heist caper, intermittently beautiful but eventually collapses under its own weight.

Check out the full review!


Red Shoes

Haunted shoes? You are, I take it, having a laugh? No? Hmm.

Check out the full review!


Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada, The

Good ol' fashioned Western corpse transit hokum.

Check out the full review!


Stormbreaker

Vastly entertaining kiddy-spy hokum.

Check out the full review!


Miami Vice

Half as nice.

Check out the full review!


Cars

More formulaic than you'd expect from Pixar, although still not bad.

Check out the full review!


Superman Returns

Is it a pirate? Is it a squid? No! It's a proper film!

Check out the full review!


Break-Up, The

Unexpected delight. The Vaughn factor wins out once more.

Check out the full review!


Wind That Shakes The Barley, The

Grim, but incredibly worthy, thought-provoking look at 1920's Irish nationalism.

Check out the full review!


District B13 (AKA Banlieue 13)

Oh, what a feeliiiiiiiiiin.... dancin' on the ceiliiiiiin

Check out the full review!


Ultraviolet

Oh great, a Aeon Flux / Underworld crossover. Every bit as painful as that unholy union suggests.

Check out the full review!


Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Insert witty pirate joke here.

Check out the full review!


Fearless

Enjoyable, polished if somewhat unremarkable wushu outing.

Check out the full review!


Reeker

And how...

Check out the full review!


Thank You for Smoking

Excellent, hilarious satire. Apart from waste of carbon that is Katie Holmes, naturally

Check out the full review!


Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift, The

Neon Car Porn: Resistance Force Giri Giri!

Check out the full review!


Imagine Me & You

Tepid and inoffensive romcom.

Check out the full review!


El Lobo

Hungry like El Lobo. Above average Duran Duran inspired ETA infiltration flick.

Check out the full review!


Hills Have Eyes (2006), The

What do they want, exactly? A medal?

Check out the full review!


Hard Candy

A tough nut to chew on

Check out the full review!


Omen (2006), The

Scene-for-scene remake of probably the best horror film in the world.

Check out the full review!


Omen, The

Probably the best horror film in the world.

Check out the full review!


United 93

Apparently quite controversial if you're a New Yorker. Grow up.

Check out the full review!


Friends With Money

Middle-class, middle-age angst fest. More fun than that makes it seem, though.

Check out the full review!


King, The

Pointless drama. Well acted and all, but completely pointless.

Check out the full review!


X-Men: The Last Stand

Better than you might have expected given that Ratner's in charge, but should have been so much better.

Check out the full review!


Brick

Superb, noir-ish, Chandler-esque detective story. Set in high school. Nominally. Look, just watch it, it's fabulous.

Check out the full review!


Waiting...

Halfway decent comedy. At last the wait is over...

Check out the full review!


Da Vinci Code, The

Dreary, silly, poorly worded and often ludicrous. Just like the book, in fact.

Check out the full review!


Prime

Honestly, there's really no reason for this film to exist. Familiar-feeling relationship comedy.

Check out the full review!


Star Trek: First Contact

Best Trek film yet. File under: damning, faint praise.

Check out the full review!


Ice Age 2: The Meltdown

Right, who ordered the unnecessary but still diverting sequel?

Check out the full review!


When A Stranger Calls

...hang up.

Check out the full review!


American Dreamz

It tries, bless it, but it's ultimately too glib and sophomoric a satire to be of any note.

Check out the full review!


Slither

Slug repellant.

Check out the full review!


Mission: Impossible III

The first disappointment of the summer has arrived.

Check out the full review!


Two For The Money

Certainly not two for the show.

Check out the full review!


Tom Yum Goong

Ong Bak with elephants.

Check out the full review!


16 Blocks

Would have been alright if someone had fit Mos Def with a silencer.

Check out the full review!


Tristan + Isolde

Tiring + Indifferent

Check out the full review!


Transamerica

Lovely little drama with sympathetic, flawed characters. The pre-op transsexual road movie bandwagon rolls on!

Check out the full review!


Silent Hill

A game effort, if largely unsuccessful.

Check out the full review!


Proposition, The

A decent proposal.

Check out the full review!


Scary Movie 4

Scary Movie 3 again! Albeit not as good.

Check out the full review!


White Heat

Top of the world.

Check out the full review!


Pink Panther, The

The Death of Comedy (Part Two)

Check out the full review!


Date Movie

The Death of Comedy (Part One)

Check out the full review!


Lucky Number Slevin

Largely decent, overly convoluted crime knockabout / identity farce.

Check out the full review!


Hostel

Don't check in.

Check out the full review!


V for Vendetta

V for Vanilla.

Check out the full review!


Grizzly Man

Harrowing tale of the man who thought he was Mowgli. And got eaten. Such is life...

Check out the full review!


Syriana

Oil, oil everywhere and not a plot to think.

Check out the full review!


Fog (2005), The

Watery and insubstantial.

Check out the full review!


Capote

Proof that depth of character does not necessarily require depth of voice.

Check out the full review!


Aeon Flux

If you loved Underworld, you'll love this! Also, you're an idiot.

Check out the full review!


Chicken Little

Not for adult consumption.

Check out the full review!


Casanova

Bland and inoffensive.

Check out the full review!


Hidden

Enthralling, especially for a film where close to nothing happens.

Check out the full review!


Final Destination 3

More of same.

Check out the full review!


Proof

Kind of like A Beautiful Mind but with Gwyneth Paltrow shouting a lot.

Check out the full review!


Fun With Dick and Jane

Well, not a lot of fun, to be accurate.

Check out the full review!


Candyman

One hook with a line in not being a stinker.

Check out the full review!


Stander

Thomas Jane finally gets over that mirror-breaking incident. Then makes The Punisher. D'oh!

Check out the full review!


Munich

<Bowie>Yassassin - Just a working man, no judge of men.</Bowie>

Check out the full review!


Derailed

Faintly ridiculous, largely tedious.

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Underworld: Evolution

An affront to Darwin.

Check out the full review!


Sha Po Lang (SPL)

Chop-sockey / cop-shop blender concoction is an agreeable enough cocktail.

Check out the full review!


Bittersweet Life, A

Halfway decent action flick. Not as clever as it thinks it is.

Check out the full review!


Cock & Bull Story, A

Apt title.

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Memoirs of a Geisha

Pretty, oh so pretty vacant.

Check out the full review!


Get Rich or Die Tryin'

The latter would have been preferable.

Check out the full review!


Jarhead

Same conflicts, different war.

Check out the full review!


Breakfast On Pluto

# When Irish Eyes Are The Crying Game #

Check out the full review!


Good Night, And Good Luck

Thin on character but thick on focus, Clooney sophomore effort gives plenty of food for thought.

Check out the full review!


Brokeback Mountain

Top quality acting and a touching, tragic story. What are you waiting for, a personal invitation to watch it?

Check out the full review!


Running Scared

Running scared? You will be.

Check out the full review!


Just Like Heaven

Above average romcom outing.

Check out the full review!


Match Point

Very little tennis, very much deceit. Let us welcome the New Woody Allen.

Check out the full review!


Producers (2005), The

Just as deserving of having a song and dance made of it as the original.

Check out the full review!


Merry Christmas

Wonderful character piece, and a timely reminder of what being human is really about.

Check out the full review!


Family Stone, The

A well worn story reheated and served up again, rather like the Christmas turkey.

Check out the full review!


King Kong

Tedious, bloated CG monkey shenanigans. Cinematic snake oil, don't fall for it.

Check out the full review!


Mrs. Henderson Presents

Feel-good titty-fest. Yer usual Brit affair.

Check out the full review!


March of the Penguins

Best use of Penguin since Batman Returns.

Check out the full review!


Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, The

Impressive fairy tale outing, not quite LotR Jnr. but close enough.

Check out the full review!


Doom

Hell on earth.

Check out the full review!


Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Um, surely you know what to expect by this point?

Check out the full review!


Exorcism Of Emily Rose, The

Possession is three fifths of the score

Check out the full review!


Transporter 2

Of course it's even sillier than the first one. What were you expecting?

Check out the full review!


Lord of War

Oh, an interesting, somewhat intelligent film! Had almost forgotten what they looked like.

Check out the full review!


Flightplan

It's the plan that's the problem.

Check out the full review!


Stoned

Brian Jones took drugs? Stop the presses!

Check out the full review!


Legend of Zorro, The

Fitful swashbuckling shenanigans of the plainest vanilla.

Check out the full review!


Constant Gardener, The

Intelligently paced thriller, slickly directed and well acted. Jolly good show, what?

Check out the full review!


Libertine, The

I am John Wilmot, Second Earl of Rochester and you will not like me. Or my brother, Gary.

Check out the full review!


Murderball

Decent document of the extreme wheelchair sport, of little to no interest.

Check out the full review!


Broken Flowers

Minimalist, affecting road trip affair; another Murray masterclass.

Check out the full review!


Brothers Grimm, The

Cuts and slices every fairytale of note or half your money back!

Check out the full review!


Corpse Bride

Make no bones about it, this is a crappy tagline. Good film though.

Check out the full review!


Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

Top quality Plasticine quirkyness. As good as you could hope for.

Check out the full review!


Pride & Prejudice

Cringeworthy, albeit competently produced non-romance.

Check out the full review!


Howl's Moving Castle

Too busy for its own good, but bad Miyazaki is still better than nearly everything else.

Check out the full review!


Ab-normal Beauty

It was the subtitles what dunnit, guv.

Check out the full review!


Night Watch

Disappointing Russian fantasy fair. First in trilogy leaves a lot of ground to make up.

Check out the full review!


Another Public Enemy

Competent Korean cop drama sequel-of-sorts.

Check out the full review!


One Nite in Mongkok

Competent cops vs. gangster outing, the exact fuss over which I fail to comprehend.

Check out the full review!


Tell Me Something

Good thriller, stupid twist.

Check out the full review!


Serenity

Same old same old. Sci-fi TV movie adaptation proves average in every respect.

Check out the full review!


R-Point

Blast off and strike the Viet Cong Ghost Empire!

Check out the full review!


Revolver

Disappointingly messy, sloppily executed, underconcieved con oddity from Guy Ritchie.

Check out the full review!


History Of Violence, A

Cronenberg sells out. Cinema screenings, not in the artistic integrity sense, you understand.

Check out the full review!


Cinderella Man

Ivan Drago could totally smack Jim Braddock silly. Other than that, nice film.

Check out the full review!


Land Of The Dead

More moaning and shuffling than an orgy at a poker tournament. Outstanding fun.

Check out the full review!


Longest Yard, The

Reasonable enough comedy outing, although largely unremarkable.

Check out the full review!


Red Eye

No bleary eyes during this surprisingly tense little number.

Check out the full review!


Must Love Dogs

Decent enough romcom, staying well within established genre comfort zones.

Check out the full review!


Aristocrats, The

There's no joke like an old joke.

Check out the full review!


On A Clear Day

Lovely character work in great little drama, incidentally about swimming the English Channel.

Check out the full review!


40 Year Old Virgin, The

Riotous Steve Carell vehicle which should propel him onto the A-List.

Check out the full review!


Business, The

No, it's not.

Check out the full review!


Cave, The

Too long, too hollow, and echoing with resounding failure.

Check out the full review!


Bewitched

Relatively inoffensive but completely pointless.

Check out the full review!


Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

A lovely, joy-filled work for even the most jaded to love.

Check out the full review!


Dukes Of Hazzard, The

Whatever happened to the Good Ole Boys? Utter remake tosh.

Check out the full review!


Home On The Range

Keep them wagons rollin' right on past this pointless shambles.

Check out the full review!


Crash

Predictably worthy ensemble drama in the PT Anderson mode. Good, but not great.

Check out the full review!


Devil's Rejects, The

Rob Zombie's sophomore effort fails to right many wrongs.

Check out the full review!


Island, The

Michael Bay does it again! Make a duff film, that is.

Check out the full review!


Parts: The Clonus Horror

Somewhat disjointed cloning claptrap that's too cheap to truly hate.

Check out the full review!


Dark Water (2005)

Wishy-washy remake. More rising damp than downpour of terror.

Check out the full review!


Stealth

If only it had kept a lower profile...

Check out the full review!


Herbie: Fully Loaded

Yet not fully necessary.

Check out the full review!


Descent, The

A horror film that's approximately decent? Perhaps the biggest shock of all!

Check out the full review!


Initial D

Competent but repetitive racer / drama.

Check out the full review!


Wedding Crashers, The

Raucous Vaughn / Wilson vehicle. Utterly flyaway, but utterly fun.

Check out the full review!


Fantastic Four

To call this underwhelming is to waste a good opportunity to compare it unfavourably to donkey testicles.

Check out the full review!


Madagascar

Actually a very good film. For kids.

Check out the full review!


DiG!

A Tale of Two Bands, surprisingly also rather entertaining for those who don't give a monkey's about either band.

Check out the full review!


War Of The Worlds

Aliens. Spielberg. Cruise. Disappointment.

Check out the full review!


Kung Fu Hustle

Beautifully realised slice of chop sockey hokum.

Check out the full review!


Powerpuff Girls Movie, The

Entertaining cartoon-to-cinema transition stretched a little too thin.

Check out the full review!


Eiger Sanction, The

Standard Eastwood actioner that gets the job done.

Check out the full review!


Soldier, The

Familiar Glickenhaus fare. Entertaining but utterly disposable.

Check out the full review!


Story of Ricky

And what a story it is. Silly, gory martial arts at it's finest.

Check out the full review!


Cat Returns, The

Slightly disappointing non-Miyazaki Ghibli outing. Still worth a watch.

Check out the full review!


Batman Begins

And on this evidence he deserves to continue.

Check out the full review!


Unleashed

Overly high concept chop-sockey / discovering humanity outing. Not often I get to say that, though.

Check out the full review!


League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse, The

Fun for fans, incomprehensible for the inexperienced.

Check out the full review!


Sin City

Pretty and pretty brutal tale that's too busy for it's own good.

Check out the full review!


Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Relationship woes + guns = mis-guided missile. Disappointingly dud.

Check out the full review!


xXx 2: The Next Level

Silly extreme action outing. Not good.

Check out the full review!


House of Wax

Utterly redundant remake. Beyond pointless, below bad.

Check out the full review!


Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

Thank God that's that finished. For now...

Check out the full review!


Friday Night Lights

Accessibly sporty coming of age drama.

Check out the full review!


Seed of Chucky

Painfully forced self referential neo-slasher.

Check out the full review!


Monster-in-Law

Yawn after yawn after yawn.

Check out the full review!


Zoolander

Surprisingly funny Stiller vanity project, depending on your taste.

Check out the full review!


Ong Bak

Muay Thai acrobatic onslaught that leaves few gobs unsmacked.

Check out the full review!


Die Hard With A Vengeance

Die Hard. Over in the corner. Quietly, damn you!

Check out the full review!


Die Hard 2

Balls-out sequel. A real Brucie bonus.

Check out the full review!


Kingdom of Heaven

Cinematographic Ridley unleashes satisfyingly adventurous, daring escapade.

Check out the full review!


Amityville Horror, The

Terrible remake of terrible film. Alert the media!

Check out the full review!


Die Hard

The best of the vest.

Check out the full review!


Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The

Mostly decent. Omissions will annoy the superfans, the minimal exposition may bamboozle newcomers, yet still it amuses.

Check out the full review!


Cursed

Shocking Wes Craven werewolf outing. Worst Buffy episode ever.

Check out the full review!


Vulgar

Inconsistent, controversy courting no-budget outing. Not good enough.

Check out the full review!


Assassination of Richard Nixon, The

Fantastic character acting, fantastically annoying character.

Check out the full review!


Get Carter (2000)

Not actually all that bad, just utterly overshadowed by the superior original.

Check out the full review!


Omega Man, The

Anti-Communist rhetoric of the most entertaining order.

Check out the full review!


Sahara

Matt McConaughey channels Indy for the Pepsi generation. Shows promise, but must try harder.

Check out the full review!


Downfall

Shock and awe.

Check out the full review!


Rage in Placid Lake, The

Lovable Aussie satire and sardonic character comedy. A joy to watch.

Check out the full review!


Ring Two, The

Lifeless retread of the original. Both of them.

Check out the full review!


Kelly's Heroes

Nazis, gold, tanks and Clint Eastwood. Sorted.

Check out the full review!


Be Cool

More like Get Real

Check out the full review!


Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous

Rubbish. But rubbish with Bill Shatner in it!

Check out the full review!


Melinda and Melinda

A Woody Allen film set in Manhattan with a neurotic male lead? Startling innovations! Alert the media!

Check out the full review!


Robots

Passable anti-capitalist morality fable, and terrible vision of our inevitable future rulers.

Check out the full review!


Machinist, The

Often spellbinding view of a man unraveling - a credit to Christian Bale and all concerned.

Check out the full review!


Constantine

A big, hellfire-baked potato of a movie.

Check out the full review!


Coach Carter

B-Ball based betterment outing, formulaic but highly watchable.

Check out the full review!


Hitch

Will Smith's welcome return to comedy, and a welcome return to form.

Check out the full review!


Hostage

A thriller with multiple personality disorder. Decent entertainment, nothing more.

Check out the full review!


9 Songs

Smoke and mirrors.

Check out the full review!


Hotel Rwanda

Wonderful, compelling drama and an important historical document.

Check out the full review!


Kinsey

Liam Neeson's top notch turn makes for a compelling life story.

Check out the full review!


Boogeyman

You won't be afraid of the Boogie Monster. Get Down.

Check out the full review!


Hide and Seek

You shouldn't bother looking for this one.

Check out the full review!


Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, The

Mildly surreal deep sea travelogue adventure. Murray excels yet again.

Check out the full review!


Spanglish

Not funny enough as a comedy, not deep enough as a drama. Competent but unremarkable.

Check out the full review!


Saw

Insert own Saw-related quip here. I'm too lazy to come up with a tagline.

Check out the full review!


Criminal

The con is on, yet again. The con never seems to be off these days. Good, though.

Check out the full review!


Sea Inside, The

We recommend you go 'sea' it. Hahahahahahahahah. Sorry.

Check out the full review!


Spongebob Squarepants: The Movie

Several thousand times more palatable than Pokemon, but it's still mostly for the kids.

Check out the full review!


Abyss, The

Deep in places, shallow in others, but still rewarding after 16 years.

Check out the full review!


Goonies, The

Twenty years old and still well worth a Truffle Shuffle...

Check out the full review!


Ocean's Twelve

Convoluted, pointless, fun-free follow up. The biggest crime is the waste of a cast.

Check out the full review!


Meet The Fockers

Don't

Check out the full review!


Creep

Starts off in a sewer and never raises above it.

Check out the full review!


Sideways

Forwards, backwards, sideways, top drawer character piece no matter how you look at it.

Check out the full review!


Assault on Precinct 13

Less tension, more shooting. Not necessarily a bad trade off.

Check out the full review!


Very Long Engagement, A

Romance / Horror Of War fusion. Some fantastic elements but a poor blend of them.

Check out the full review!


Elektra

Lacklustre spinoff from a fiercely mediocre movie.

Check out the full review!


Ladder 49

Firefighters. They're fantastic. This film, sadly, is not.

Check out the full review!


Napoleon Dynamite

Quirky little oddball of a film. Amusingly minimalist leftfield character piece, for want of a better term.

Check out the full review!


Million Dollar Baby

Eastwood delivers another knockout.

Check out the full review!


Closer

Closer to perfection than most, marred only by it's general bleakness.

Check out the full review!


Team America: World Police

Grossly offensive all-action puppet outing, which is largely why you'll love it or hate it.

Check out the full review!


2046

Noir-ish treatise on relationships. A beautiful, fragile work.

Check out the full review!


Aviator, The

Another Scorsese near-miss. Good, but by no means worthy of the Oscar.

Check out the full review!


Polar Express, The

A movie that's as overwhelmingly enthusiastic about Christmas as the kids are, sort of a dual edged sword.

Check out the full review!


Without A Paddle

Buddy comedy / Deliverance crossover, amiable enough but never funny enough.

Check out the full review!


House of Flying Daggers

Melodramatic wushu outing, bizarrely with more believable action scenes than character dialogue.

Check out the full review!


National Treasure

Indy without the hat, or the fun, or the flair.

Check out the full review!


Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events

A quality kiddy-oriented movie that doesn't take it's audience for granted? How fortunate!

Check out the full review!


So Close

Glossy HK action nonsense. Passable but disposable entertainment.

Check out the full review!


Highwaymen

On a road to nowhere.

Check out the full review!


Bad Santa

Family friendly comedy, assuming you're the Manson family. Quality foulmouthed rantings from Thornton make this rather nifty.

Check out the full review!


Blade Trinity

Unholy.

Check out the full review!


Churchill: The Hollywood Years

Avoid this one on the beaches, in the fields and in streets, most importantly in the cinemas.

Check out the full review!


Thing, The

The gore! The chills! The brilliance! The snow! The humanity!

Check out the full review!


Guyver, Series One, The

Old school episodic anime. Low on depth, high on violence. Guuyyyyyvvvvaaaaa!

Check out the full review!


L.A. Confidential

Tippy has so far only unlocked the goblin. He's shit.

Check out the full review!


Road To Perdition

Tommy guns. Trilby hats. Tom Hanks on top form. Do it!

Check out the full review!


Manchurian Candidate, The

Overegged and frankly unnecessary remake, muddying an already obscure yarn.

Check out the full review!


Appleseed

No bad apple, and very few pips.

Check out the full review!


Passenger 57

Seldom bet on cack.

Check out the full review!


Incredibles, The

Almost...well...incredible. Almost...

Check out the full review!


Alfie

Fairly pointless remake of little relevance to anyone. Jude Law fails to captivate yet again.

Check out the full review!


Alien vs Predator

Dual franchise-killing effort that's more fun than expected but still flawed up the wahzoo.

Check out the full review!


Grudge, The

Hmm, deja review. The U.S. remake's still a stylish and well crafted horror outing, but still isn't frightening.

Check out the full review!


Gonin

Memorable? More like Gonin 60 seconds...

Check out the full review!


Juon

Innovative, stylish and well crafted horror outing, but one that tragically isn't frightening.

Check out the full review!


Goodfellas

Classic how? How the f**k am I classic, Henry? etc, etc, etc...

Check out the full review!


Freddy Got Fingered

...while Disko got very, very bored.

Check out the full review!


White Chicks

Not very funny. Thank you, drive through.

Check out the full review!


Oldboy

Compellingly twisted conceptual narrative exercise that only lets it's self down with a sloppy ending. Otherwise, aces.

Check out the full review!


Layer Cake

It's a right cockney barrel of monkeys.

Check out the full review!


Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Surprisingly, not utterly unbearable.

Check out the full review!


Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Style surplussed, story deficient vintage era inspired sci-fi banality. Better in concept than execution.

Check out the full review!


Terminal, The

Pleasing, although admittedly tremendously conventional light hearted yarn.

Check out the full review!


Punisher, The

Chock-full of vengeance, hindered by a few silly OTT bits spoiling the otherwise dark mood.

Check out the full review!


Isle, The

Stark little mood piece punctuated with random acts of violence. Messy, but mildly engauging.

Check out the full review!


Open Water

Solid, mildly thrilling zero budget indy flick. Contains moderate shark based peril and one use of strong jellyfish.

Check out the full review!


Catwoman

Dismal attempt at movie making that winds up stuck in a particularly boring tree.

Check out the full review!


Hellboy

Relentlessly average comic book adaptation, hampered by poor villain choice.

Check out the full review!


Chronicles Of Riddick, The

Overly serious sci-fi hogwash, trying to be epic and forgetting to be fun.

Check out the full review!


Phone

Korean Ring-alike ghost story, slick but of no real threat to your underwear.

Check out the full review!


King Arthur

Demystified take on Arthurian legends with the bits that make legends fun removed.

Check out the full review!


I, Robot

More robots! More action! Less interest!

Check out the full review!


Stepford Wives, The

Quirky retro robot shenanigans. Not as good as Robotron, though.

Check out the full review!


Gozu

Sadly fright-free horror outing from Miike - too weird to build tension, not weird enough to be amusing.

Check out the full review!


Around the World in 80 Days

Utterly inoffensive quirky little family number.

Check out the full review!


Spider-Man 2

# Spider-Man, Spider-Man, went to the fridge and ate a flan #

Check out the full review!


Story of the Weeping Camel, The

The finest sad Mongolian camel film you're likely to see.

Check out the full review!


Walking Tall

(The Rock) + (big stick) < (The Rock) + Walken

Check out the full review!


Godsend

Hellbound.

Check out the full review!


Club Dread

Horror spoof that has a shot at something special but misfires rather badly.

Check out the full review!


Fahrenheit 9/11

Michael Moore turns Bush-whacker in an impressively incriminating docu-film. Not without fault, but utterly compelling.

Check out the full review!


Return, The

Not of The Mack or The King, but of a top-notch minimalist Russian character drama.

Check out the full review!


Ladykillers, The

Coen's ailing Ealing remake fails to make the grade. B- for effort.

Check out the full review!


Since Otar Left

Since you've been gone, I'm outta my head, can't take it.

Check out the full review!


Deep Blue

It all goes swimmingly...

Check out the full review!


Jersey Girl

No wheel reinvention, but if it's a nice enough wheel does it really matter?

Check out the full review!


Cooler, The

Nobody is sending thees wan to thee koolah!

Check out the full review!


Japanese Story

Ozzie / Japanese culture clash relationship drama that bravely tackles the etiquette of Outback corpse handling.

Check out the full review!


I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

Well made, well acted, well directed, well-received and well...dull really.

Check out the full review!


Bad Education

Been educated stupid? Almodóvar tells his life story, not the Timecube's.

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Day After Tomorrow, The

Exactly like the trailer, only longer.

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Football Factory, The

Ahh, those lovable hooligans. Completely pointless thug-u-drama.

Check out the full review!


Shattered Glass

News just in - journalists lie. Also, Pope confirmed to be a Catholic and the shocking location of bear defecation.

Check out the full review!


Wonderland

Solid but unspectacular little crime number that lacks the spark to make it particularly memorable.

Check out the full review!


Troy

Nice troy, but no cigar...

Check out the full review!


Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Mildly baffling mind-wipe melodrama from Charlie Kaufman's fevered head. Quite nifty indeed.

Check out the full review!


Battle Royale

Survival horror cum violent slapstick cum social commentary that's one of the most joyous films ever made. Aces.

Check out the full review!


Van Helsing

Let's play Spot The Redeeming Feature...

Check out the full review!


Secret Window

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Johnny Depp Show!

Check out the full review!


Pootie Tang

Another addition to the growing list of compelling reasons to put Chris Rock out of my misery.

Check out the full review!


Girl Next Door, The

Another forgettable entry in the annals of teen comedy history.

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Monster

Look out boy, she'll shoot you up, she's a man eater. Top performances, uninspiring story, overall no-score draw.

Check out the full review!


Kill Bill Vol. 2

More of same, with some fun added in this time.

Check out the full review!


Taking Lives

Technically competent thriller that merely lacks thrills.

Check out the full review!


Strange Gardens

Strange lack of gardens, but a touching and amusing story more than makes up for it.

Check out the full review!


Butterfly Effect, The

Hahahahahahahahah. What? You were serious? Oh.

Check out the full review!


Hidalgo

Endurance race based horseplay that remains entertaining as it sprawls over the desert.

Check out the full review!


Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2

A radical departure plotwise, but to familiarly little effect. Higher on subtext than entertainment value.

Check out the full review!


Shaun of the Dead

A fantastic concept but the execution doesn't quite follow through. Decent entertainment for your cash, but no revelations.

Check out the full review!


Attack the Gas Station!

Anarchic Korean hostage comedy liberally laced with slapstick slapping.

Check out the full review!


Passion of the Christ, The

Da-na-na-na-nah, Crack that whip!

Check out the full review!


Gothika

Nonsensical, boring drivel, the only frightening thing being how bad it is.

Check out the full review!


Dawn of the Dead

Rather 28 Days Later-ish remake. Good clean fun, if you discount the buckets of blood.

Check out the full review!


Honey

Well, it's better than Glitter.

Check out the full review!


Welcome to the Jungle

One of the most out-and-out fun action movies of recent times, one of the best working titles of recent times.

Check out the full review!


Narc

Jason Patric and Ray Liotta on career best form. Tough, gritty, brutal, brilliant.

Check out the full review!


Open Range

Simple yet rewarding tale of friendship and honour authentically steered in from the Wild West

Check out the full review!


House Of Sand And Fog

Engaging but bleak drama unfortunately let down in the final reel.

Check out the full review!


Starsky & Hutch

Mildly surreal take on the legendary cops chock full of top performances.

Check out the full review!


Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels

Best of British gangland caper that has yet to be beaten.

Check out the full review!


Armageddon

Michael Bay and Bruce Willis blow up an asteroid. 'Nuff said...

Check out the full review!


Zatoichi

Kitano period piece that Kills Bill in the blink of a blind eye.

Check out the full review!


Mona Lisa Smile

Fifties era relationship angst and Women's lib, Julia Roberts style. And all the horrors that implies.

Check out the full review!


Blair Witch Project, The

Too much hype spoils the broth. An interesting experiment that's a victim of it's own success.

Check out the full review!


Torque

A silly, silly Fast and the Furious clone on bikes. Far less polished but brainlessly enjoyable.

Check out the full review!


21 Grams

Stay still, goddammit! Great acting but next to unwatchable narrative.

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Along Came Polly

And she brought along a top notch supporting cast as well...

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Missing, The

Sub-par western chase hokum with bonus added hocus-pocus nonsense. Certainly missing something.

Check out the full review!


Man Dancin'

Unexpectedly pleasing gangland tale cum religious play writing drama. No, really.

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Barbarian Invasions, The

Fluently mediocre deathbed drama. Enjoyable enough but hardly the revelation we'd been led to expect.

Check out the full review!


Sex Lives of the Potato Men

Intermittently amusing, consistently crude FHM generation aimed fodder. Not much cop at all.

Check out the full review!


Dogville

Rises above it's set eschewing pretension to provide a film that's both entertaining and thought provoking.

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Cheaper By The Dozen

Ghastly Steve Martin comedy vehicle that quickly crashes into a ditch.

Check out the full review!


Dreamers, The

Pretentious arthouse twaddle.

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Caligula

Nude, crude and not very good.

Check out the full review!


Something's Gotta Give

Yup, the last half hour.

Check out the full review!


Hard Boiled

As tasty a slice of the action pie you're likely to encounter, supercool shenanigans guaranteed to raise smiles and pulses.

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School Of Rock

More than adequate if unmemorable family pleasing comedy.

Check out the full review!


Big Fish

It was <- thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis -> big!

Check out the full review!


Emperor's New Clothes, The

Identity swap fancy that wisely avoids becoming a farce, a good solid drama with the odd light moment.

Check out the full review!


Cold Creek Manor

The House of the Deadly Quiet, could be enhanced by something actually happening.

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Blue Spring

We never had uniforms this cool at my school...

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Scary Movie 3

The best Scary Movie ever! Not really saying much, mind.

Check out the full review!


Human Stain, The

A consummate study in tedium further hindered by some bizarre casting.

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Runaway Jury

At best dumb, at worst downright offensive. More filler than thriller.

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Mighty Wind, A

Charming little character comedy, although doesn't break any new ground for Guest.

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Girl with a Pearl Earring

Character piece that's understated to the point of nothing actually happening.

Check out the full review!


Paycheck

Seems the only reason for anyone turning up on set was to collect theirs...

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Lost In Translation

Better not be lost on the Oscar jury...

Check out the full review!


Snake Eyes

Not so much a snake in the grass as a wee touch of class.

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Black and White

Not quite as dull as it's worthy status would suggest. Less whodunit and more didhedoit?

Check out the full review!


Last Samurai, The

Braveheart with katanas and a short dude. Impressive battle scenes compensate for an all too familiar tale.

Check out the full review!


Tattoo

Teutonic Se7en-esque thriller. Enjoyable for what it is but may wear its influences too obviously for some.

Check out the full review!


Tetsuo: The Iron Man

Breathtakingly baffling hour of indecipherable madness.

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Cold Mountain

Marginally overlong U.S. Civil War drama, variously mushy and bloody but rather good nonetheless.

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Stuck On You

Exactly what you'd expect from a conjoined twin Farrelly outing, daft but fun.

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Peter Pan

More of the usual, ought to keep the kids happy but the parents will suffer somewhat.

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House of the Dead

Come back Lara Croft, all is forgiven!

Check out the full review!


Triggermen

Uniformly dreary 70's aping hitman identity farce, failing to be amusing or exciting.

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Out Of Time

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it an adequate thriller? Yeah, that's about right.

Check out the full review!


Resident Evil

Starring zombies and apparently directed by one as well.

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Together

Mediocre relationship drama surrounded with terrific classical music renditions.

Check out the full review!


Wilbur (Wants To Kill Himself)

Quite simply one of the best films of the year. Nuff said.

Check out the full review!


Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The

Elvish has left the building.

Check out the full review!


Touching the Void

Not a filthy euphemism, rather a true tale of excitement and danger in the mountains. Ooooh!

Check out the full review!


Freaky Friday

Body swap remake shenanigans for the teen market that's turned out surprisingly well.

Check out the full review!


Bride Of Chucky

Trailblazing self-referential neo-slasher that ends up stuck between a comedy rock and horror hard place.

Check out the full review!


Thirteen

Mystifyingly well received growing pains drama that wants some cheese to go with its whine.

Check out the full review!


Spun

Yank Trainspotting derivative that's trying hard. Oh, so very, very trying.

Check out the full review!


Trilogy 3 - After Life

Drug addiction, police corruption, melodramatic relationship woes which will seem familiar to watchers of the Trilogy series.

Check out the full review!


Brother Bear

Someone needs to get back to the bear necessities...

Check out the full review!


Timeline

Staggeringly idiotic time travel craptacular. Trust us, it is as bad as everyone says it is.

Check out the full review!


Love Actually

Saccharine laden concept romcom for the ADD generation

Check out the full review!


S.W.A.T.

Seriously weak, astonishingly tardy.

Check out the full review!


Trilogy 2 - An Amazing Couple

Occasionally surreal romcom charmer weakened only by jarring interruptions from the other Trilogy films.

Check out the full review!


To Live and Die in L.A.

Classic, overlooked forgery thriller that's as lethal today as it ever was. Skill...

Check out the full review!


Shape Of Things, The

Difficult to like, difficult to judge. Professional relationship cynic Neil LaBute strikes again.

Check out the full review!


Master and Commander: The Far Side Of The World

Slightly above average naval chase hokum. Needs 40% more buckles swashed.

Check out the full review!


Steal

Awful acting, horrible plot, barely decent action scenes, really nice bridge.

Check out the full review!


Elf

More top quality gurning from Will Ferrell hides an uninspired story well.

Check out the full review!


Trilogy 1 - On The Run

Ponderous French Day of the Jackal wannabe whose only real failing is a really daft final scene.

Check out the full review!


Devil's Gate

Coma-inducing tale of island intrigue. More Marshmallow Man than Wicker Man.

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In America

Sentimental but engaging family drama easily carried by it's two young stars.

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Mother, The

More suburban issue exploration from Hanif Kureishi, unfortunately crushingly boring issues no matter how worthy.

Check out the full review!


In The Cut

Professionally bland 'one woman's struggle' tale that's more of a style clash mish mash than a top class award bash.

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League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The

Bold. Brash. Bobbins.

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Matrix Revolutions, The

All hail the thrill-less revolution. At least it's not getting any worse.

Check out the full review!


Seabiscuit

A horse, of course. Great performances enhance an occasionally turgid tale of restoring hope.

Check out the full review!


Mystic River

Heavy-handed drama and an acting tour de force. Cry me a river.

Check out the full review!


Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The

Unnecessary and boring slasher remake.

Check out the full review!


Modulations

Surface skimming look at electronic music in general. Interesting but too wide ranging to feel complete.

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Party Monster

Camp-two-three, mince-two-three, snort-heroin-two-three, make-god-awful-film-two-three.

Check out the full review!


Intolerable Cruelty

Calm down. Fears of a Coen disaster are averted by a fine romantic comedy.

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Holes

Digs itself several, but clambering out of them presents no problem. Both roundly and cylindrically entertaining.

Check out the full review!


Swimfan

Occasionally I'm bad, and have to be punished. This is of the cruel and unusual variety.

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Kill Bill Vol. 1

Somewhat soulless homage to, well, everything else. Nothing like as good as what it's attempting to imitate.

Check out the full review!


Down With Love

Fun little fluff filled fancy that captures a fraction of that old school chemistry.

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Cabin Fever

Very nearly not a 'ho-hum'. Decent enough horror antics with a hint of very odd humour.

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Comandante

Tonight on The Oliver Stone Show, Fidel Castro! Cue applause!

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Bad Boys II

How this much stuff can be destroyed and still not be interesting is beyond me.

Check out the full review!


Spanish Prisoner, The

Tightly plotted con drama. Amongst its weaponry are such elements as distinctive dialogue, great twists and nice red uniforms

Check out the full review!


Finding Nemo

Computer-rendered anthropomorphic fish buddy rescue comedy? With added turtles? Killer, dude.

Check out the full review!


Ned Kelly

Amiable enough semi-historical effort that isn't as epic as it ought to be.

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House Of 1000 Corpses

Utterly disjointed directorial debut from Rob Zombie. Certainly a nightmare of sorts.

Check out the full review!


Young Adam

Downbeat Trocchi adaptation. Humping and pumping but very little sumping on the canals of Scotland.

Check out the full review!


Matchstick Men

Another welcome addition to the confidence trickster canon. Analyse This Sting.

Check out the full review!


Raising Victor Vargas

Teen drama with feeling, think rom-com but without the weight of suckitude that normally entails.

Check out the full review!


Underworld

Blade-lite for silly young goths. Over 12? Avoid...

Check out the full review!


Once Upon A Time In Mexico

Johnny Depp excels in this enjoyably daft bulletfest despite the messy plot.

Check out the full review!


Slap Her, She's French

By the book teen comedy, a-haw-he-haw.

Check out the full review!


Hard Word, The

Foul-mouthed Aussie heist drama / comedy that gets more right than wrong.

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Red Rock West

An overlooked modern noir classic from an overlooked modern noir director.

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Italian Job, The

Competent heist caper but can't match the sheer fun of its predecessor.

Check out the full review!


Spirited Away

More animated genius from Miyazaki as The Mouse tries to muscle in.

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Sin Eater, The

God-awful.

Check out the full review!


Tears of the Sun

Bruce in the jungle. He go shooty bang-bangs.

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Glitter

Musical showcase for Mariah fans only, if there's any left. Otherwise as appealing as being dunked in acid.

Check out the full review!


Cypher

Cube director Natali returns with a brainwashing sci-fi thriller that's almost a classic.

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Camp

They're going to learn how to fly. Teen angst and show tunes which ends up being surprisingly watchable.

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Blackball

Lazy Britcom for the bowls revivalists. Now with added fat man.

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Belleville Rendez-vous

Lovely French animation that finally provides the Tour De France / Mafia crossover we've been waiting for.

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Calendar Girls

Vaguely true tale that boils down to a female The Full Monty. Lightweight and enjoyable.

Check out the full review!


Hollywood Homicide

Eventually a subtle satire on the cop/buddy genre, takes way too long to reach it.

Check out the full review!


Black Hole, The

Cult sci-fi camp that fails to fill the void of modern viewing expectations. A memory sullied.

Check out the full review!


Historias Minimas

Minimalist road trip that reaps great reward. One for the character fans.

Check out the full review!


Jeepers Creepers 2

Another scraping from the bottom of the teen-oriented horror barrel.

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Shaolin Soccer

Mad as a barrel of spiders. Chop sockey CG fitba' antics that bemuse and amuse.

Check out the full review!


Confidence

Sharp suits, moody looks and lots of dirty crooks. Worth a squiz.

Check out the full review!


Man Who Sued God, The

A descriptive title. Diverting David vs. Goliath courtroom comedy, if you'll pardon the expression.

Check out the full review!


Wild Things

Twistin'..twistin'..twistin' the night away. Extremely convoluted, quite exploitative, mildly enjoyable in a trashy way.

Check out the full review!


Swimming Pool

Asks a lot of questions of its audience, but ultimately the answers aren't too enjoyable to find.

Check out the full review!


Ghost In The Shell

Thought provoking sci-fi, perhaps not as deep as some claim but undeniably gorgeous.

Check out the full review!


Producers, The

Note to Pie makers, this is what's called 'funny'.

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Roger Dodger

Great character study, eh readers? (Wink).

Check out the full review!


Freddy Vs. Jason

Scare-free, blood-soaked, clich?-ridden, hilarious. Keeps its tongue firmly in cheek until ripped out in a shower of crimson.

Check out the full review!


American Pie: The Wedding

The squeak of rusty wheels? Here cometh my Vitriol Cannon, you stinky motherf**ker you!

Check out the full review!


What A Girl Wants

This girl wants shot. Utterly sub-par supposed comedy.

Check out the full review!


Pirates of the Caribbean

Have your swashes well and truly buckled by Depp and co in this shallow but hugely enjoyable summer romp. Aaaaar!

Check out the full review!


Respiro

Pretty but pretty pointless tale that doesn't seem to say what it's been intended to comment on.

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Returner

Sci-fi time-travel alien hokum that plunders ideas from Hollywood but remains fun, with a decent identity of its' own.

Check out the full review!


Castle of Cagliostro, The

Oft-overlooked debut feature gem from Japanese master Miyazaki that's high on character and action.

Check out the full review!


Volcano High

Stylish but ultimately average wire-fu based mayhem. Needs more fighting. Must try harder, B-.

Check out the full review!


Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life

Fancy watching someone else play a video game on a cinema screen? Here you go...

Check out the full review!


Spy Kids 3D: Game Over

Rated Eh? for occasional peril and sustained randomness. Gimmick laden nonsense; inspired or awful, I can't quite decide.

Check out the full review!


Legally Blonde 2:Red, White & Blonde

Astonishingly stupid and entirely unnecessary sequel that forgets to include the laughs.

Check out the full review!


Gigli

A true cinematic turd floating aimlessly down the painfully slow and meandering river of it's own pointless ineptitude.

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Veronica Guerin

Flawed but watchable true life tale of a flawed but courageous Irish reporter ain't the Oscar fodder it hopes to be.

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Legally Blonde

Decent comedy with an important moral at its heart.

Check out the full review!


Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

Them robots just keep on comin'. Amazingly a huge franchise sequel that almost delivers the goods!

Check out the full review!


Terminator 2: Judgment Day

One of the best sequels ever made, and the film that paved the way for all future effects movies.

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Junior

Definitely not third time lucky for Schwarzenegger and Reitman in a film in which even the actors can't be bothered.

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Collateral Damage

Unapologetic clunker of a movie iceberg that sunk the Teutonic. Not so much Collateral as Critical damage for the big man.

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Eraser

Average in every way thriller with some really silly guns but no surprises.

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Terminator, The

The ultimate chase movie, and the film that made Arnold Schwarzenegger a superstar. Praise Be.

Check out the full review!


Running Man, The

Wisecracking satire of capitalism and game shows. Pure action-oriented fun.

Check out the full review!


Twins

Mildly amusing comedy but with too many unnecessary elements for its own good.

Check out the full review!


Agent Cody Banks

Slick kiddy & adult pleasing junior-James Bond knockabout, purposefully hackneyed and exceptionally good fun.

Check out the full review!


Predator

Schwarzenegger kicks alien butt as he consolidates his position as king of the '80s action flick.

Check out the full review!


Red Sonja

Hack, slash, act poorly, lather, rinse, repeat. Disposable pseudo-Conan follow-up.

Check out the full review!


Batman & Robin

Thank you, drive through. Schumacher's textbook example of franchise-icide.

Check out the full review!


True Lies

Cameron's weakest film is a mixed bag of excitement and boredom that kept Arnie's head above water.

Check out the full review!


Conan The Destroyer

A lighter fluffier followup, which wasn't the right direction to go at all.

Check out the full review!


Kindergarten Cop

Ah-nuld confirms his comedy credentials in this pleasing action romp.

Check out the full review!


Double Whammy

Double Whammy; a Tom DiCillo travesty. Presumably the title refers to the script and the acting.

Check out the full review!


Whale Rider

Somewhat turgid drama, good but would be better on fast-forward.

Check out the full review!


Laputa: Castle in the Sky

Take a ride through Jules Verne-inspired skies in this amazing Japanese adventure story for all ages.

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Conan The Barbarian

The only enemy he can't conquer is time, which has left this looking a bit silly.

Check out the full review!


End Of Days

Flat yet watchable rumble between Arnie and Satan fuelled by pre-millennial angst.

Check out the full review!


Red Heat

Unconventional Chicago cop mismatched with stoic Russian cop? That'll be the 80's then. Relentlessly decent crime knockabout

Check out the full review!


Good bye, Lenin!

Highly enjoyable German unification culture clash comedy drama.

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Jacob's Ladder

Reality and insanity collide for a Vietnam vet who sees demons in his sleep.

Check out the full review!


Total Recall

Arnie and Verhoeven? A match made in heaven. Top notch sci-fi hokum.

Check out the full review!


Raw Deal

Slick, disposable, entertaining; that's Arnie...

Check out the full review!


Last Action Hero

Forgotten gem is the First Action-Art Movie

Check out the full review!


Big Lebowski, The

A Disko top 5 movie of all time. Stunning character comedy from the ever-excellent Coen brothers.

Check out the full review!


Commando

80s action cinema ruled, and here's the King of the Ring

Check out the full review!


6th Day, The

2 Arnies for the price of 1 in a decent sci-fi knockabout, although the potential was there to make a classic.

Check out the full review!


Hercules In New York

Dubbed Arnie knockabout nonsense with tongue firmly in cheek. I think.

Check out the full review!


Public Enemy

Violence and slapstick? An immensely funny film from Korea? Do my eyes deceive me? No, no they don't.

Check out the full review!


Bad Guy

Violent but tender Korean tale of an unwitting prostituted abused yet adored by a street thug. Difficult but worthwhile.

Check out the full review!


Daddy Day Care

Decent, uninspired comedy fit for child and adult consumption.

Check out the full review!


Animal Factory

Entertaining but strangely pointless prison observation.

Check out the full review!


Hulk

Style over substance, introspectiveness over action? Yeah, but it's fascinating to watch even if the story itself isn't.

Check out the full review!


Four Feathers, The

Epic-aping redemption tale that seems to have been overly hard-done by.

Check out the full review!


Buffalo Soldiers

You're in the army now...GET OUT, QUICK!

Check out the full review!


In-Laws, The

Pretty decent spy slash buddy comedy spoof.

Check out the full review!


Ring of Fire 3: Lion Strike

The doctor responsible for most of his own patients is back!

Check out the full review!


Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle

Sinfully good or Holy shit? An explosion-overload unfortunately renders this sequel closer to the latter.

Check out the full review!


Tadpole

The spawny little get. Enjoy the philosophical meanderings of a young ladies man in this unexpectedly charming romp.

Check out the full review!


Dark Blue

Cop-bashing corruption drama that trundles along doing little of interest.

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Brown Sugar

Tip-top hip-hop rom-com non-bomb.

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Wrong Turn

Horrifying. But not in a good way.

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Fulltime Killer

Part time action and Christmas Temp direction mar this otherwise acceptable HK romp.

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Bruce Almighty

Another identikit Hollywood comedy, bland and inoffensive.

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Max

Has the makings of an engrossing tale but the focus is on the wrong character.

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Batman Forever

The franchise starts to shake under Schumacher's influence. Watchable, but barely.

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Basic

10 PRINT 'Basic is rubbish'
20 GOTO 10

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2 Fast 2 Furious

It's all about the cars, baby. Kinda like the first one but without Vin Diesel, which improves it no end.

Check out the full review!


Snake Of June, A

Symbolism that causes embolisms. Weird, beautiful, bizarre, certainly not dull but perhaps too artsy for it's own good.

Check out the full review!


Grosse Pointe Blank

Forget Identity, this is quality Cusack and no mistake.

Check out the full review!


Identity

A movie with a crisis.

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Dumb and Dumberer

A largely unnecessary prequel that's fairly funny if you like this kind of thing.

Check out the full review!


Anger Management

Nicholson and Sandler show chemistry in an unlikely, but funny tale of therapy.

Check out the full review!


Lost Boys, The

The ultimate teen vampire movie still washes redder than red, even at 16!

Check out the full review!


Dirty Deeds

90 minutes of enjoyable antipodean gangster fun. Nothing more, nothing less.

Check out the full review!


Rage: Ring of Fire 2

Our hero Don 'The Dragon' Wilson takes on the L.A. 'Underground' in this less than sensible beat-em-up.

Check out the full review!


Animatrix, The

The cartoons have you. A nice collection of shorts for the anime fan or the Matrix fan.

Check out the full review!


Super Troopers

Pull over and surrender to this gem of a road comedy. It's the law!

Check out the full review!


Hunted, The

Tension-free game of cat and mouse. Stick with Tom & Jerry.

Check out the full review!


Secretary

Corrective fluid not required for this provocative yet enlightening observation on unorthodox relationships.

Check out the full review!


Fausto 5.0

Off-kilter Spanish Faust reworking, compelling in a bizarre sort of way.

Check out the full review!


Dark Water

Divorced parents beware: your children may be at risk if you do not keep up repayments on your utility bills.

Check out the full review!


Blacksheep Affair, The

Shoddy third rate HK action flick, 20% chop-socky, 20% gun fights, 60% cheese.

Check out the full review!


Bringing Down The House

"What fresh hell is this?," an unusually apt line from this inexcusably tired pseudo comedy.

Check out the full review!


Son Of The Bride

Geniunely heart-warming Argentinean mid-life crisis tale.

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To Kill A King

Well executed execution tale.

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Full Frontal

Wanktacular.

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Matrix Reloaded, The

Or perhaps more accurately The Matrix Rehashed

Check out the full review!


Actors, The

Entertaining knockabout identity farce that pretty much hits the spot.

Check out the full review!


Hope Springs

Absolutely average, but more amusing than you may expect.

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Happiness Of The Katakuris, The

Both funny ha-ha and funny peculiar. Think The Sound Of Music meets Wallace & Gromit with added zombies.

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Bangkok Dangerous

Stylised, but with substance to back it up - a nifty look at a deaf & dumb hitman's plight.

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Darkness Falls

The pitch - tooth fairy meets Freddy Krueger. The result - an outright shambolic waste of time and effort.

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Rear Window

Perhaps Hitchcock's purest film; tightly scripted, taughtly played, immaculately directed. Suuuuuuperb.

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Old School

Young, dumb and full of fun. Will Ferrell elevates a potentially dodgy frat house caper to the promised land of laughter.

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Shiri

Entirely silly, unpolished popcorn fodder that feels like Hollywood but tastes like Korea.

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X2

Top-notch comic-book adaptation, rip-roaring action flick and engaging social commentary.

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25th Hour

Well above average character studies put this drama a few notches above the norm.

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Kung Pow

Desperately silly kung-fu parody that hits and misses in equal measure.

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Final Flight Of The Osiris

Prologue to The Matrix Reloaded that doesn't tell us anything we don't already know, but looks nice while doing it.

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Matrix, The

Follow the white rabbit on an action-packed journey through the sci-fi looking glass.

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Dreamcatcher

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...

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Black Magic M-66

Action - Characterisation + Explosions = Brief but fun anime.

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Bound

Stylish. Sultry. Steamy. Superb. The Wachowski brothers prepare for The Matrix with this little number.

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Charlie's Angels

Good, clean, ass-kicking fun with a trio of hot young ladies. Life is good.

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Prizzi's Honor

A tepid Mafia romance drama that doesn't live up to its billing as a black comedy.

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Baise-moi

Grotesque garbage with a penchant for nihilistic sex and violence.

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Welcome to Collinwood

Coen-esque comedy quirkiness that falls just short of the mark.

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Plughead Rewired: Circuitry Man 2

Highs cannot be appreciated without lows. This is the closest to a ground state of awfulness that there can possibly be.

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Bloodfist

theOneliner's mascot Don 'The Dragon' Wilson vows to avenge his brother's death in this insanely original kickboxing flick.

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Office Space

A loving ode to those who suffer daily in cubicle coffins. Quality observation comedy is afoot...

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Summer Things

Preety French laydeez 'aving ze nookie on 'oliday. A haw-hee-haw!

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Bulletproof Monk

A kung-fu Indiana Jones? Charismatic performances from the leads make this more enjoyable than you may expect.

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Phone Booth

Sniper thriller that makes a refreshing break from the norm.

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Judge Dredd

All the ideas are there although could use a bigger special effects budget.

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Crossroads

Eeuurgh. Awful. Just awful.

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Intacto

Offbeat Spanish oddity about fortune and guilt that's high on concept but low on style.

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Johnny English

Inept secret agent, inept jokes, inept direction, just all kinds of inept.

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Blue Crush

Rocky on a surfboard, 8 Miles at sea. Surprisingly good drama of the 'overcoming obstacles' mould.

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Rules Of Attraction, The

Sex 'n' Drugs 'n' Rock 'n' Roll. Inventive, enjoyable but slightly flawed take on American college excess.

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Enter the Dragon

You have offended his family, and you have offended a Shaolin temple...

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Sum Of All Fears, The

Surprisingly intelligent nuke thriller from the pen of Tom Clancy.

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Shanghai Knights

Hold on to your top hat and pipe; Chan and Wilson are back to deconstruct Victorian England in fine style.

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Recruit, The

Killer thriller? Not quite, but it's entertaining enough to be worth a look.

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Death to Smoochy

The commercial corruption of kids T.V. gets an offbeat and humorous assessment in this non-kiddy comedy.

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Man Apart, A

Lacking in any substance of note, relying on stereotypes and clich? to pad out the plot.

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Cradle 2 the Grave

Jet Li and DMX all up in the hizziz, yo bitch-ass motherf**kers! Joel Silver unleashes another mid-budget clunker. A'ight?

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Hero

Simply stunning fantasy kung-fu, somehow managing to surpass Crouching Tiger in sheer beauty.

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Core, The

Average, yet better than expected disaster flick / CGI-fest.

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Adaptation

Charlie Kaufman's head is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

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Cyber Tracker 2

I think James Cameron, Paul Verhoeven and David Fincher are gonna sue somebody.

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They Live

Paranoia! Guns! Subliminal Messaging! Wrestling! A low budget but superb, wonderfully rounded slice of sci-fi.

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Armageddon (1997)

Too convoluted for it's own good, but surprisingly reasonable nonetheless.

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Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

Thankfully not part four of the British 70's sex comedies.

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Cyborg 3

A Van Damme-less sequel to a Van Damme film that manages to be worse than the original? Jings...

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Alien Intruder

Amateurish drivel, like a cut rate, joyless Battlestar Galactica knock-off.

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Octopus

A different kind of eight legged freak.

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Life Of David Gale, The

A serious subject dealt with in a contemptibly ridiculous manner.

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Cyborg Cop 2

The law of diminishing returns applies to this unnecessary sequel.

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Crocodile

It's about...oh go on, have a guess...

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Cyborg Cop

Unexpectedly reasonable self-parodying sci-fi actioner on an itty-bitty budget.

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Equilibrium

Fascist condemnation sci-fi for the action-oriented. The Bale-meister brings it on!

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Magdalene Sisters, The

A film featuring nuns that's more miserable than Sister Act 2? Thankfully of a far higher calibre though.

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Stealing Harvard

Stealing a better script might have been preferable.

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eXistenZ

Welcome to the future - it's broken. Cronenberg helpfully defines mediocrity for us.

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Solaris

Abstract remake of an abstract original beloved of abstract arty-types begs to be given a chance.

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Infernal Affairs

Traitors, traitors everywhere. This Hong Kong blockbuster shows us how Cop dramas should be done.

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Below

Above-par horror/drama/submarine movie that's better than the genre-pollination would suggest.

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Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance

With a stunning title like that, it'd better be able to back it up. Thankfully, it can.

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Jackass: The Movie

The antithesis of an adult movie, and all the funnier for it.

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Analyze That

A flushing sound? That'll be Billy Crystal's career.

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Far From Heaven

Quite far from having any kind of point to it as well.

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Hollow Man

Fitting it deals with invisibility, as you'll wish you hadn't seen it.

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Ring, The

Your parents always told you that watching too much TV would be bad for your health

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Undercover Brother

This Austin Powers wannabe's got soul.

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Hana-bi

Beautiful, violent, charming, unsettling masterwork from the most original director alive.

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Plastic Little

Abstract title, generic anime.

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American Psycho

Eighties chic meets serial-killing Wall Street brokers in this stunning diatribe on Reagan culture.

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Daredevil

Nurse! 50cc's of adrenaline, stat! Pacing problems hinder this disappointing effort.

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X-Men

Another madman, another plan for global domination. Only the X-Men can save us!

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Blade 2

Those vampires just never learn, but who said Blade was gonna stop teachin'?

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Spawn

This is one film where calling it 'hellish' is actually appropriate.

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Superman

Do you still believe a man can fly? The archetype of the superhero film holds up well today.

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Spider-Man

Why don't they ever think to trap him between a giant tumbler and a massive playing card? Villains these days...

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Blade

Vampires! Swords! Guns! Blade promises action and delivers it with gusto.

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Tank Girl

A novel way of adapting a comic for a movie - totally ignoring it.

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Final Destination 2

Shame they didn't get the destination right first time round.

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Two Weeks Notice

A romantic comedy that frequently made me laugh? I must be in my mid-twenties or something...

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Yakuza Way, The

Apparently it's the most low budget Way possible.

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Macross Plus

Anime classic that shows Star Wars what a real space opera is.

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Prince Of Darkness

Religious discussion, theoretical physics, and Alice Cooper as a homeless bum. Not your average horror movie, then?

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Help! I'm A Fish

Adequate aquatic adventure acquires apt and accurate appellation.

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Fog, The

"There's something in the fog!" warns Stevie Wayne. Better get the washing in then...

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About Schmidt

Nicholson excels in an excellent film.

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Tron

Whatever happened to Bruce Boxleitner? Find out inside...

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I Spy

Could it be a top-drawer mainstream Hollywood comedy that actually delivers more than it promises? Gasp!

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Dogma

Decent enough entertainment but it's far from a divine experience.

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Dune

Somewhere between genius and the nut-house lies Arrakis.

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Last Man Standing

Kurosawa with hats, booze, sand and large calibre automatics.

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Audition

Unexpectedly fantastic romcom / slasher variant.

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RoboCop 2

Worthy sequel or RoboCop-out? You have 20 seconds to comply...

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City By The Sea

#His name is Bobby, ah-a-ah, Bobby De Niro, ah-a, he's a really nice person, and a really good actor#

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Chicago

About as deep as a puddle.

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Transporter, The

Of course it's silly. What were you expecting?

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Tuxedo, The

Half Vin Diesel's weight, but twice the punching power. Go Jackie!

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Mallrats

Kevin Smith's treatise on teen culture fails to rise from mediocrity.

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Minority Report

Spielberg comes over all gritty and noir in a stylish future-thriller...

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Avalon

Turgid Seventh Seal - Counterstrike hybrid bores more than it entertains.

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Swordfish

Hugely enjoyable techno-babble thriller.

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Saving Private Ryan

Important movie making at it's most powerful, but where are the Brits?

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Cyber Tracker

I think James Cameron's gonna sue somebody.

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City of God

A harrowing depiction of a life in which innocence will get you killed.

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Rock, The

It's got action written all the way through it...

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Shadow Skill

Kicking. Punching. Magic. What more could you want, except any kind of structure?

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Sweet Home Alabama

A classic romantic comedy going down the unusual road of missing out the romance and the comedy.

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Glengarry Glen Ross

David Mamet provides further proof that jobs = bad.

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Star Trek: Nemesis

To boldly go where no one has gone before. Apart from the 9 other films. Obviously. And the 5 TV series...

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Mulholland Drive

Excuse me David, can I have my brain back please?

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AKIRA

AKIRA is apparently the ultimate power, but is it the ultimate anime?

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K-19: The Widowmaker

We all live in a Red submarine...

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Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

It's certainly stupid, but is it art?

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Dead Or Alive

A chilling warning to producers who don't keep Miike Takashi on a short lead.

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Bowling For Columbine

Guns don't kill people, Americans kill people

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Ocean's Eleven

A-list Hollywood 'we love Soderbergh' wank-fest...

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8 Mile

Eminem in an excellent performance as, um.... Eminem

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Withnail and I

The finest collection of quotes known to humanity...

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Dog Soldiers

It's Aliens. Only in Scotland. And with Werewolves.

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Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The

Doubters 0, Jackson 2

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Quiet American, The

A dramatic drama full of dramatic dialogue in a dramatic idiom.

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Deathwatch

Hellraiser in a trench, but not as unspeakably awful as that concept sounds.

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