theOneliner.com Review Directory
There is nothing new under the sun.
Acceptable in the 80s.
A rare del Toro disappointment.
The woods have, er...awoken.
Statham's best acting turn, but the shifting tones of this drama lets the side down.
Zed’s dead, baby. Zed’s dead.
It's a shame it's not more interesting.
Acceptably funny road trip shenanigans, mainly due to the talented leads.
By no means a bad apocalypto-sci-fi outing, but it's much more predictable than it thinks it is.
A trifle too audacious for it's own good, but it's truer to the novel than you'd expect.
Pretty much more of the same, but not quite as good.
A brilliant bubble-gum tent-pole spectacular.
Laudably ambitious, for which we, er, laud it, although it's far from perfect and understandably too esoteric for many tastes
Talent and flair elevate this competent but unremarkable script to become a very solid, well-built drama.
Far-fetched but very enjoyable thriller.
Weakest of the trilogy, but still one of the best comic book adaptations ever.
Stylish but generic, mildly miscast thriller with a ludicrous conspiracy angle.
An ordinary decent criminal flick.
Less a character study, more a character quick-flick-through-the-summary-notes.
Another powerhouse central performance from Day-Lewis makes potentially dry subject matter riveting.
Unabashedly juvenile take on The Untouchables, hardly essential viewing but more fun that it has any right to be.
Zero percent interest.
Ridiculous, but also a ridiculous amount of fun.
Some really nice film-making in here, but the non-Tolkien additions are weak.
For crying out loud, he only stole a loaf of bread!
What Mel did next.
Once you've turned the corner, there's Norway back.
Giallo, is it me you're looking for?
Watch to the end (arf), because it's really good.
Great character acting, dreadful characters.
Completely unnecessary, completely mediocre, and completely ignorable.
Perhaps not the best Bond, but it's a bloody good one.
A damn good shaggy dog story.
A mixture of cutting satire and absurdism.
Massively disappointing drama, without tension or remotely likeable characters.
Startlingly dark, greatly enjoyable thriller.
Competent directorial debut from Cornish, but lacks spark.
Top performances make this one of the funniest films this year.
Surprisingly, the best of the franchise.
Polished period piece with powerful performances.
The clash of styles is distracting, but there's a decent amount of entertainment to be had.
Delivers pretty much what you'd expect, as long as you don't expect too much.
Zombie Western? Sounds awesome! But isn't.
Takes itself far too seriously, given the subject matter.
While a halfway-decent film, an ultimately forgettable Woody Allen outing.
A little too imaginative for its own good.
Worthy sequel to the original favella-based crime-basher.
Identikit romcom that says nothing, does nothing, and means nothing.
Compelling look at the talented, flawed chess genius.
Very likable shaggy dog story with a charming lead performance.
Enjoyable, mature comedy that's well worth a look.
Hardly divine, but we don't need a Viking funeral for it.
I have no idea what's going on here, but I know I don't like it.
Well acted, tightly directed and well paced Western.
Very entertaining and thought provoking shaggy dog story, featuring awesome hats.
Punchy, engaging time-bending science fiction with a 24 hint.
Entirely adequate alien roadtrip rockaround comedy, but no-one involved's best.
You Won't See Me.
Escapist, explosion filled fun.
Unpleasant tales, unpleasantly told.
Mature adolescence tale.
No one gets in, no one gets out.
Minimalist drama that makes for uncomfortable but compelling viewing.
Snow laughing matter.
Geeks vs. First World Problems.
Insight-free documentary looking at turbulent times in a family.
The Rocky Middle Class Horror Show
Idiosyncratic stop-motion animation that loses the battle early on.
Likeable, imaginative tale of father - son bonding.
Staring blankly, I'd wager. Hardly a terribly thriller, but rather dull.
Likeable, but not overly hilarious comic outing.
Accomplished, beautifully crafted slice of melancholia.
Perfectly adequate swashbuckler, even if it is based on a videogame.
The Smurfs Action Spectacular! Note: Not Spectacular.
Effective, cynical neo-noir detective trail.
Shane Meadows once again proves he's incapable of making a bad film
Sparse but oddly compelling oddball family drama.
Devilishly funny, utterly charming off kilter stop-motion animation.
Best satirical documentary fairytale of the year.
Supposed to be a comedy. Not funny. Fail.
Interesting, off-beat Danish thriller.
Ludicrously hilarious Argento outing, largely because it's so ludicrous.
Violent, bleak gangster cum domestic violence film. Powerful, if not perfect calling card from a promising young director.
Miserable failure dressed as artistic exploration. Pish. No, actually, complete pish.
The drugs don't work, they just warp your character.
Sparse, dull phone-sex relate-o-drama.
Had low expectations; still left disappointed. Charmless, artless, and often boring. Stop making films, McG. Please.
Cops vs. ghosts. Works better as an offbeat police procedural than as a scary movie.
Above average drama, albeit a relentlessly bleak one.
Competent enough action film, but we expect a little more from the franchise.
Science Fiction that's pleasingly free of all of that troublesome "science" stuff. Rip-roaring space opera, hugely enjoyable.
Massively juvenile, but seeing as that's who it's aimed at it'd be churlish to complain
Perfectly adequate outing trundling off the 3D kiddypleaser conveyor belt, but nothing more than adequate.
Typically superb performance from Michael Sheen in this excellent character piece.
The most curious thing is how well regarded it is.
Well-crafted and enjoyable casually racist drama.
Superbly handled adaptation, uncompromisingly brutal with themes providing way more to discuss than most of its peers.
It's a really good film. Just not 'eight Oscars' good.
You'll probably cry over it.
Perfectly adequate if unnecessary coming-of-age first love-type hokum.
Surprisingly compelling for a thriller where we all know the ending.
The remainder is excellence.
Being Jean Claude has never been so much fun.
Not just a pretty face on your T-Shirt.
Acutely observed, brilliantly acted character study.
Why choose between "really silly" and "really boring" when you can have both?
Vaguely disinteresting and disappointing, given the hype.
There's nothing wrong with it, but I can't be all that enthusiastic about it.
Terrible vampire action, terrible teen romance. Now with added terrible.
An odd film, certainly, but a great one.
An uneasy mix of competent thriller and iffy characterisation.
Respectable, if pointless remake.
More Aptow than Smith, but pretty damn funny anyway.
The grim face of wushu.
Tell me something that I don't know.
Needs more action. Needs less talking. Needs the franchise put to sleep.
Casino Royale One and a Half
Dull cop corruption nondrama.
Dismal. Not funny.
Bloody, stupid, and bloody stupid.
Surprisingly action free, given the source material.
A very British haunted romcom.
Exceptionally silly thriller, but entertaining enough.
Almost Nihilistic in its complete lack of point.
Superb adaptation of a typically flawed Palahniuk character.
LAPD business plan: 1. Return wrong child in baffling police corruption case. 2. ??? 3. Profit!
Exceedingly unmemorable spy caper.
Not unwatchable, but nothing like funny enough for a comedy.
Chronic pacing stiffs this one.
Sure, it delights in violence, but its violence is delightful.
None of which you will get back.
There is nothing whatsoever righteous about this.
Just funny enough to support the daffy concept.
Tall, dark and dull.
Bizarre idea for a comedy, but it certainly works.
A halfway decent Paul W.S. Anderson film, which I believe is a sign of the Apocalypse.
Exceedingly silly, exceedingly enjoyable martial arts hokum.
Touching story, beautiful animation, cornball ending.
Less than gripping tale of arbitrary bureaucracy. And serial killers.
Messy multidirectorial experiment. Brave but misguided.
A remake that changes absolutely every aspect of the original. Including the quality.
Lacklustre outing that's not likely to revive the husk of the series.
Nothing new, perhaps, but certainly really good.
Familiar content and setup perhaps, but damned if it isn't funny.
I've seen worse.
It's not a terrible film, but it's barely worth the effort of having it parade in front of your eyeballs.
Decent enough kiddy-friendly chop-sockey only overshadowed by the stellar supporting cast eclipsing the lead.
Not entirely dismal slice of hokum, but of no interest outside of fans of the original.
Largely 'meh' inducing introduction to a telly series.
Seven years of bad horror films.
Needs less CG. And more rubber suits.
City of Cops.
Intergalactic Space Dogs. Y'know, for kids.
Huzzah! A proper Coen Brothers film!
More drivel than babel, sadly.
Worryingly terrible nominal horror, neither unsettling nor vaguely interesting.
Mildly disappointing, more-of-same child friendly fantasy shenanigans.
Unique, unbalanced police procedural that's enjoyable but ultimately forgettable.
Best Batman film for a while, probably the best comic book superhero film.
Best Pixar film for a while, but certainly not the best Pixar film.
Back to the favelas, with diminishing returns.
Extraordinarily black comic farce, crowd pleasing for a somewhat twisted crowd.
More good than bad in the story of two Russians more bad than good.
Faintly tedious, rather silly horror flick masquerading as a thriller.
Stilted, wooden exploration of stilted, wooden characters.
Bleak, minimalist Korean drama. Excellent despite this.
What Werner did on his holiday.
Ultimately as vacuous as the world it hopes to represent.
Largely decent whimsical, off-kilter Russian doodad.
Robert Carlyle's best performance since Trainspotting.
Worthy but somewhat dull relationship drama lifted by quality performances.
Initially amusing spoof of '50s B-Movies that runs out of ideas far too soon.
Dire coming-of-age drama that has about as much life as the mannequin of the title.
Good-looking thriller which could do with more than a little light being shone on the plot.
One Angry Man
Holiday movies plus daffy philosophy? No ta.
Ho ho ho, Kim Jong Il, yeah yeah yeah...
Mike Leigh take note - THIS is how you make an upbeat film.
Oddly structured but compelling look at Fujian Province's immigration headaches.
Sweet and gentle comedy, and a great antidote to the image of Iran we are normally presented.
Involving travelogue nee examination of an elder Chinese generation's view of the Western world.
The movie equivalent of absolute zero.
Minimalist rural Chinese relationship drama, broody, slow burning and well worth watching.
Well produced, well acted, ultimately not scary horror effort.
Baffling and rather poor... well, can't narrow it down much further than 'film', really.
Edge away slowly.
Oh good, this year's Timeline has arrived.
An entirely different man of steel.
What's all the fuss about?
The ugly side of popcorn munching.
In the best possible taste.
Leverage your corporate knowledge pool into a rapid rage growth paragdim.
I'm sure Leviticus wouldn't like the suggestion that Jesus was camp.
Ludicrously tedious exploration of... pretty much nothing.
An Equal Opportunities musical; you need not be able to sing to appear in it.
Yeurgh. Cover him back up! My eyes! My eyes!
Another minimalist oddity from Ki-Duk Kim, intriguing yet often baffling.
Yes, 'balls' is about right.
No, you're quite clearly not.
Amiable paean to the B movie horror drive-in.
Straight to room 101
If only it were Weinstein proof...
Entertainment ad infinitum.
It's not much more than okay, mind.
Slight of hand, slim of substance, but diverting nonetheless.
Another solid entry in the crowded 'Argentinean hermaphrodite drama' sub-category.
Nothing like as pretentious as the concept sounds. Which is a good thing. Obv.
Beautifully shot, touching melodrama.
Nothing ever happens. Nothing happens at all.
Remember, remember, you may be dismembered.
Love affair goes wrong. Stop me if you've heard this one before.
Well, 'More Simpsons' has never been a bad thing, has it?
It's actually a bike, not an aeroplane.
The best of this summer's threequels, but the finish begins to tarnish.
Abridged too far.
Robots in your pies.
Shockingly, actually pretty good. We direct your attention to the impending Apocalypse.
Hurrah! Another remake! Pointless but acceptable retread.
Every bit as logical and brilliant as The Butterfly Effect!
Oh. I'd rather been hoping for the Rise and Fall of Reginald Perrin.
The Daily Mail guide to social justice.
414 - Out of pirate puns error. Please reboot franchise and retry.
Possibly a bit dum-dum, makes a fairly hollow point, but still on target for thrills. A-haw-hee haaaw...
You also have eyes. Use them to watch something else. Anything else. Pleeeeease...
Mediocre. With style!
I have seent the future, and in it Sandra Bullock gives me my two hours back.
Here comes the new film, same as the old film.
Die Hard in a small town.
Just how stupid do you think I am?
Who you gonna call? A better ghost writer.
Make Philip Glass stop now.
Almost a real gem
One Mayan his jaguar.
Mildly diverting, mercifully short, mostly disposable.
Grand Theft Lucas. And Tolkien. And Eddings.
Civil war / fairytale mashup. Intriguing if not mind-blowing.
South Korean Godzilla / Eastenders hybrid.
Oh ho ho, it's magic, y'know? Never believe it's not so.
Oh yes. Now we're talking...
More of the same, which for once is welcome.
As good a remake as you could hope for, were you in fact hoping for another one.
Laugh at the foreigner.
Will he live in a house, a very nice house in the country?
The best tunes, the worst films.
History will be kind to them, thanks to the skill of the writer.
Much the same as the last one, but in colour.
Usual inspired Ferrell sillyness. Cougars for teh winnar!
Crazy people aren't awesome.
Noir-tainted thriller ruined by its own silly tendencies.
Certainly not a DHL advert. Or worth bothering with.
It's been emotional.
A horror movie I liked? The apocalypse approacheth.
Pathos-laden look at a strange Japanese social phenomenon.
Effective enough schlock horror, pretensions of anything more cerebral excepted.
Scaremongering for sure, but a useful wake-up call to a world without oil.
It's a thriller! It's a farce! Ultimately, it's a bit silly! Nonetheless, it works.
Lovable romance with nice stylistic touches and a terrible final reel.
Taut but utterly telegraphed thriller.
Truth, justice and the American way.
Does exactly what it says on the tin.
Shock! Horror! Self-proclaimed shocker fails to shock! or horror!
The comic value of Mr. Bean with the charm of Norman Tebbit.
Middling noirish navelgazing romance / heist caper, intermittently beautiful but eventually collapses under its own weight.
Haunted shoes? You are, I take it, having a laugh? No? Hmm.
Good ol' fashioned Western corpse transit hokum.
Vastly entertaining kiddy-spy hokum.
Half as nice.
More formulaic than you'd expect from Pixar, although still not bad.
Is it a pirate? Is it a squid? No! It's a proper film!
Unexpected delight. The Vaughn factor wins out once more.
Grim, but incredibly worthy, thought-provoking look at 1920's Irish nationalism.
Oh, what a feeliiiiiiiiiin.... dancin' on the ceiliiiiiin
Oh great, a Aeon Flux / Underworld crossover. Every bit as painful as that unholy union suggests.
Insert witty pirate joke here.
Enjoyable, polished if somewhat unremarkable wushu outing.
Excellent, hilarious satire. Apart from waste of carbon that is Katie Holmes, naturally
Neon Car Porn: Resistance Force Giri Giri!
Tepid and inoffensive romcom.
Hungry like El Lobo. Above average Duran Duran inspired ETA infiltration flick.
What do they want, exactly? A medal?
A tough nut to chew on
Scene-for-scene remake of probably the best horror film in the world.
Probably the best horror film in the world.
Apparently quite controversial if you're a New Yorker. Grow up.
Middle-class, middle-age angst fest. More fun than that makes it seem, though.
Pointless drama. Well acted and all, but completely pointless.
Better than you might have expected given that Ratner's in charge, but should have been so much better.
Superb, noir-ish, Chandler-esque detective story. Set in high school. Nominally. Look, just watch it, it's fabulous.
Halfway decent comedy. At last the wait is over...
Dreary, silly, poorly worded and often ludicrous. Just like the book, in fact.
Honestly, there's really no reason for this film to exist. Familiar-feeling relationship comedy.
Best Trek film yet. File under: damning, faint praise.
Right, who ordered the unnecessary but still diverting sequel?
It tries, bless it, but it's ultimately too glib and sophomoric a satire to be of any note.
The first disappointment of the summer has arrived.
Certainly not two for the show.
Ong Bak with elephants.
Would have been alright if someone had fit Mos Def with a silencer.
Tiring + Indifferent
Lovely little drama with sympathetic, flawed characters. The pre-op transsexual road movie bandwagon rolls on!
A game effort, if largely unsuccessful.
A decent proposal.
Scary Movie 3 again! Albeit not as good.
Top of the world.
The Death of Comedy (Part Two)
The Death of Comedy (Part One)
Largely decent, overly convoluted crime knockabout / identity farce.
Don't check in.
V for Vanilla.
Harrowing tale of the man who thought he was Mowgli. And got eaten. Such is life...
Oil, oil everywhere and not a plot to think.
Watery and insubstantial.
Proof that depth of character does not necessarily require depth of voice.
If you loved Underworld, you'll love this! Also, you're an idiot.
Not for adult consumption.
Bland and inoffensive.
Enthralling, especially for a film where close to nothing happens.
More of same.
Kind of like A Beautiful Mind but with Gwyneth Paltrow shouting a lot.
Well, not a lot of fun, to be accurate.
One hook with a line in not being a stinker.
Thomas Jane finally gets over that mirror-breaking incident. Then makes The Punisher. D'oh!
<Bowie>Yassassin - Just a working man, no judge of men.</Bowie>
Faintly ridiculous, largely tedious.
An affront to Darwin.
Chop-sockey / cop-shop blender concoction is an agreeable enough cocktail.
Halfway decent action flick. Not as clever as it thinks it is.
Pretty, oh so pretty vacant.
The latter would have been preferable.
Same conflicts, different war.
# When Irish Eyes Are The Crying Game #
Thin on character but thick on focus, Clooney sophomore effort gives plenty of food for thought.
Top quality acting and a touching, tragic story. What are you waiting for, a personal invitation to watch it?
Running scared? You will be.
Above average romcom outing.
Very little tennis, very much deceit. Let us welcome the New Woody Allen.
Just as deserving of having a song and dance made of it as the original.
Wonderful character piece, and a timely reminder of what being human is really about.
A well worn story reheated and served up again, rather like the Christmas turkey.
Tedious, bloated CG monkey shenanigans. Cinematic snake oil, don't fall for it.
Feel-good titty-fest. Yer usual Brit affair.
Best use of Penguin since Batman Returns.
Impressive fairy tale outing, not quite LotR Jnr. but close enough.
Hell on earth.
Um, surely you know what to expect by this point?
Possession is three fifths of the score
Of course it's even sillier than the first one. What were you expecting?
Oh, an interesting, somewhat intelligent film! Had almost forgotten what they looked like.
It's the plan that's the problem.
Brian Jones took drugs? Stop the presses!
Fitful swashbuckling shenanigans of the plainest vanilla.
Intelligently paced thriller, slickly directed and well acted. Jolly good show, what?
I am John Wilmot, Second Earl of Rochester and you will not like me. Or my brother, Gary.
Decent document of the extreme wheelchair sport, of little to no interest.
Minimalist, affecting road trip affair; another Murray masterclass.
Cuts and slices every fairytale of note or half your money back!
Make no bones about it, this is a crappy tagline. Good film though.
Top quality Plasticine quirkyness. As good as you could hope for.
Cringeworthy, albeit competently produced non-romance.
Too busy for its own good, but bad Miyazaki is still better than nearly everything else.
It was the subtitles what dunnit, guv.
Disappointing Russian fantasy fair. First in trilogy leaves a lot of ground to make up.
Competent Korean cop drama sequel-of-sorts.
Competent cops vs. gangster outing, the exact fuss over which I fail to comprehend.
Good thriller, stupid twist.
Same old same old. Sci-fi TV movie adaptation proves average in every respect.
Blast off and strike the Viet Cong Ghost Empire!
Disappointingly messy, sloppily executed, underconcieved con oddity from Guy Ritchie.
Cronenberg sells out. Cinema screenings, not in the artistic integrity sense, you understand.
Ivan Drago could totally smack Jim Braddock silly. Other than that, nice film.
More moaning and shuffling than an orgy at a poker tournament. Outstanding fun.
Reasonable enough comedy outing, although largely unremarkable.
No bleary eyes during this surprisingly tense little number.
Decent enough romcom, staying well within established genre comfort zones.
There's no joke like an old joke.
Lovely character work in great little drama, incidentally about swimming the English Channel.
Riotous Steve Carell vehicle which should propel him onto the A-List.
No, it's not.
Too long, too hollow, and echoing with resounding failure.
Relatively inoffensive but completely pointless.
A lovely, joy-filled work for even the most jaded to love.
Whatever happened to the Good Ole Boys? Utter remake tosh.
Keep them wagons rollin' right on past this pointless shambles.
Predictably worthy ensemble drama in the PT Anderson mode. Good, but not great.
Rob Zombie's sophomore effort fails to right many wrongs.
Michael Bay does it again! Make a duff film, that is.
Somewhat disjointed cloning claptrap that's too cheap to truly hate.
Wishy-washy remake. More rising damp than downpour of terror.
If only it had kept a lower profile...
Yet not fully necessary.
A horror film that's approximately decent? Perhaps the biggest shock of all!
Competent but repetitive racer / drama.
Raucous Vaughn / Wilson vehicle. Utterly flyaway, but utterly fun.
To call this underwhelming is to waste a good opportunity to compare it unfavourably to donkey testicles.
Actually a very good film. For kids.
A Tale of Two Bands, surprisingly also rather entertaining for those who don't give a monkey's about either band.
Aliens. Spielberg. Cruise. Disappointment.
Beautifully realised slice of chop sockey hokum.
Entertaining cartoon-to-cinema transition stretched a little too thin.
Standard Eastwood actioner that gets the job done.
Familiar Glickenhaus fare. Entertaining but utterly disposable.
And what a story it is. Silly, gory martial arts at it's finest.
Slightly disappointing non-Miyazaki Ghibli outing. Still worth a watch.
And on this evidence he deserves to continue.
Overly high concept chop-sockey / discovering humanity outing. Not often I get to say that, though.
Fun for fans, incomprehensible for the inexperienced.
Pretty and pretty brutal tale that's too busy for it's own good.
Relationship woes + guns = mis-guided missile. Disappointingly dud.
Silly extreme action outing. Not good.
Utterly redundant remake. Beyond pointless, below bad.
Thank God that's that finished. For now...
Accessibly sporty coming of age drama.
Painfully forced self referential neo-slasher.
Yawn after yawn after yawn.
Surprisingly funny Stiller vanity project, depending on your taste.
Muay Thai acrobatic onslaught that leaves few gobs unsmacked.
Die Hard. Over in the corner. Quietly, damn you!
Balls-out sequel. A real Brucie bonus.
Cinematographic Ridley unleashes satisfyingly adventurous, daring escapade.
Terrible remake of terrible film. Alert the media!
The best of the vest.
Mostly decent. Omissions will annoy the superfans, the minimal exposition may bamboozle newcomers, yet still it amuses.
Shocking Wes Craven werewolf outing. Worst Buffy episode ever.
Inconsistent, controversy courting no-budget outing. Not good enough.
Fantastic character acting, fantastically annoying character.
Not actually all that bad, just utterly overshadowed by the superior original.
Anti-Communist rhetoric of the most entertaining order.
Matt McConaughey channels Indy for the Pepsi generation. Shows promise, but must try harder.
Shock and awe.
Lovable Aussie satire and sardonic character comedy. A joy to watch.
Lifeless retread of the original. Both of them.
Nazis, gold, tanks and Clint Eastwood. Sorted.
More like Get Real
Rubbish. But rubbish with Bill Shatner in it!
A Woody Allen film set in Manhattan with a neurotic male lead? Startling innovations! Alert the media!
Passable anti-capitalist morality fable, and terrible vision of our inevitable future rulers.
Often spellbinding view of a man unraveling - a credit to Christian Bale and all concerned.
A big, hellfire-baked potato of a movie.
B-Ball based betterment outing, formulaic but highly watchable.
Will Smith's welcome return to comedy, and a welcome return to form.
A thriller with multiple personality disorder. Decent entertainment, nothing more.
Smoke and mirrors.
Wonderful, compelling drama and an important historical document.
Liam Neeson's top notch turn makes for a compelling life story.
You won't be afraid of the Boogie Monster. Get Down.
You shouldn't bother looking for this one.
Mildly surreal deep sea travelogue adventure. Murray excels yet again.
Not funny enough as a comedy, not deep enough as a drama. Competent but unremarkable.
Insert own Saw-related quip here. I'm too lazy to come up with a tagline.
The con is on, yet again. The con never seems to be off these days. Good, though.
We recommend you go 'sea' it. Hahahahahahahahah. Sorry.
Several thousand times more palatable than Pokemon, but it's still mostly for the kids.
Deep in places, shallow in others, but still rewarding after 16 years.
Twenty years old and still well worth a Truffle Shuffle...
Convoluted, pointless, fun-free follow up. The biggest crime is the waste of a cast.
Starts off in a sewer and never raises above it.
Forwards, backwards, sideways, top drawer character piece no matter how you look at it.
Less tension, more shooting. Not necessarily a bad trade off.
Romance / Horror Of War fusion. Some fantastic elements but a poor blend of them.
Lacklustre spinoff from a fiercely mediocre movie.
Firefighters. They're fantastic. This film, sadly, is not.
Quirky little oddball of a film. Amusingly minimalist leftfield character piece, for want of a better term.
Eastwood delivers another knockout.
Closer to perfection than most, marred only by it's general bleakness.
Grossly offensive all-action puppet outing, which is largely why you'll love it or hate it.
Noir-ish treatise on relationships. A beautiful, fragile work.
Another Scorsese near-miss. Good, but by no means worthy of the Oscar.
A movie that's as overwhelmingly enthusiastic about Christmas as the kids are, sort of a dual edged sword.
Buddy comedy / Deliverance crossover, amiable enough but never funny enough.
Melodramatic wushu outing, bizarrely with more believable action scenes than character dialogue.
Indy without the hat, or the fun, or the flair.
A quality kiddy-oriented movie that doesn't take it's audience for granted? How fortunate!
Glossy HK action nonsense. Passable but disposable entertainment.
On a road to nowhere.
Family friendly comedy, assuming you're the Manson family. Quality foulmouthed rantings from Thornton make this rather nifty.
Avoid this one on the beaches, in the fields and in streets, most importantly in the cinemas.
The gore! The chills! The brilliance! The snow! The humanity!
Old school episodic anime. Low on depth, high on violence. Guuyyyyyvvvvaaaaa!
Tippy has so far only unlocked the goblin. He's shit.
Tommy guns. Trilby hats. Tom Hanks on top form. Do it!
Overegged and frankly unnecessary remake, muddying an already obscure yarn.
No bad apple, and very few pips.
Seldom bet on cack.
Fairly pointless remake of little relevance to anyone. Jude Law fails to captivate yet again.
Dual franchise-killing effort that's more fun than expected but still flawed up the wahzoo.
Hmm, deja review. The U.S. remake's still a stylish and well crafted horror outing, but still isn't frightening.
Memorable? More like Gonin 60 seconds...
Innovative, stylish and well crafted horror outing, but one that tragically isn't frightening.
Classic how? How the f**k am I classic, Henry? etc, etc, etc...
...while Disko got very, very bored.
Not very funny. Thank you, drive through.
Compellingly twisted conceptual narrative exercise that only lets it's self down with a sloppy ending. Otherwise, aces.
It's a right cockney barrel of monkeys.
Surprisingly, not utterly unbearable.
Style surplussed, story deficient vintage era inspired sci-fi banality. Better in concept than execution.
Pleasing, although admittedly tremendously conventional light hearted yarn.
Chock-full of vengeance, hindered by a few silly OTT bits spoiling the otherwise dark mood.
Stark little mood piece punctuated with random acts of violence. Messy, but mildly engauging.
Solid, mildly thrilling zero budget indy flick. Contains moderate shark based peril and one use of strong jellyfish.
Dismal attempt at movie making that winds up stuck in a particularly boring tree.
Relentlessly average comic book adaptation, hampered by poor villain choice.
Overly serious sci-fi hogwash, trying to be epic and forgetting to be fun.
Korean Ring-alike ghost story, slick but of no real threat to your underwear.
Demystified take on Arthurian legends with the bits that make legends fun removed.
More robots! More action! Less interest!
Quirky retro robot shenanigans. Not as good as Robotron, though.
Sadly fright-free horror outing from Miike - too weird to build tension, not weird enough to be amusing.
Utterly inoffensive quirky little family number.
# Spider-Man, Spider-Man, went to the fridge and ate a flan #
The finest sad Mongolian camel film you're likely to see.
(The Rock) + (big stick) < (The Rock) + Walken
Horror spoof that has a shot at something special but misfires rather badly.
Michael Moore turns Bush-whacker in an impressively incriminating docu-film. Not without fault, but utterly compelling.
Not of The Mack or The King, but of a top-notch minimalist Russian character drama.
Coen's ailing Ealing remake fails to make the grade. B- for effort.
Since you've been gone, I'm outta my head, can't take it.
It all goes swimmingly...
No wheel reinvention, but if it's a nice enough wheel does it really matter?
Nobody is sending thees wan to thee koolah!
Ozzie / Japanese culture clash relationship drama that bravely tackles the etiquette of Outback corpse handling.
Well made, well acted, well directed, well-received and well...dull really.
Been educated stupid? Almodóvar tells his life story, not the Timecube's.
Exactly like the trailer, only longer.
Ahh, those lovable hooligans. Completely pointless thug-u-drama.
News just in - journalists lie. Also, Pope confirmed to be a Catholic and the shocking location of bear defecation.
Solid but unspectacular little crime number that lacks the spark to make it particularly memorable.
Nice troy, but no cigar...
Mildly baffling mind-wipe melodrama from Charlie Kaufman's fevered head. Quite nifty indeed.
Survival horror cum violent slapstick cum social commentary that's one of the most joyous films ever made. Aces.
Let's play Spot The Redeeming Feature...
Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Johnny Depp Show!
Another addition to the growing list of compelling reasons to put Chris Rock out of my misery.
Another forgettable entry in the annals of teen comedy history.
Look out boy, she'll shoot you up, she's a man eater. Top performances, uninspiring story, overall no-score draw.
More of same, with some fun added in this time.
Technically competent thriller that merely lacks thrills.
Strange lack of gardens, but a touching and amusing story more than makes up for it.
Hahahahahahahahah. What? You were serious? Oh.
Endurance race based horseplay that remains entertaining as it sprawls over the desert.
A radical departure plotwise, but to familiarly little effect. Higher on subtext than entertainment value.
A fantastic concept but the execution doesn't quite follow through. Decent entertainment for your cash, but no revelations.
Anarchic Korean hostage comedy liberally laced with slapstick slapping.
Da-na-na-na-nah, Crack that whip!
Nonsensical, boring drivel, the only frightening thing being how bad it is.
Rather 28 Days Later-ish remake. Good clean fun, if you discount the buckets of blood.
Well, it's better than Glitter.
One of the most out-and-out fun action movies of recent times, one of the best working titles of recent times.
Jason Patric and Ray Liotta on career best form. Tough, gritty, brutal, brilliant.
Simple yet rewarding tale of friendship and honour authentically steered in from the Wild West
Engaging but bleak drama unfortunately let down in the final reel.
Mildly surreal take on the legendary cops chock full of top performances.
Best of British gangland caper that has yet to be beaten.
Michael Bay and Bruce Willis blow up an asteroid. 'Nuff said...
Kitano period piece that Kills Bill in the blink of a blind eye.
Fifties era relationship angst and Women's lib, Julia Roberts style. And all the horrors that implies.
Too much hype spoils the broth. An interesting experiment that's a victim of it's own success.
A silly, silly Fast and the Furious clone on bikes. Far less polished but brainlessly enjoyable.
Stay still, goddammit! Great acting but next to unwatchable narrative.
And she brought along a top notch supporting cast as well...
Sub-par western chase hokum with bonus added hocus-pocus nonsense. Certainly missing something.
Unexpectedly pleasing gangland tale cum religious play writing drama. No, really.
Fluently mediocre deathbed drama. Enjoyable enough but hardly the revelation we'd been led to expect.
Intermittently amusing, consistently crude FHM generation aimed fodder. Not much cop at all.
Rises above it's set eschewing pretension to provide a film that's both entertaining and thought provoking.
Ghastly Steve Martin comedy vehicle that quickly crashes into a ditch.
Pretentious arthouse twaddle.
Nude, crude and not very good.
Yup, the last half hour.
As tasty a slice of the action pie you're likely to encounter, supercool shenanigans guaranteed to raise smiles and pulses.
More than adequate if unmemorable family pleasing comedy.
It was <- thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis -> big!
Identity swap fancy that wisely avoids becoming a farce, a good solid drama with the odd light moment.
The House of the Deadly Quiet, could be enhanced by something actually happening.
We never had uniforms this cool at my school...
The best Scary Movie ever! Not really saying much, mind.
A consummate study in tedium further hindered by some bizarre casting.
At best dumb, at worst downright offensive. More filler than thriller.
Charming little character comedy, although doesn't break any new ground for Guest.
Character piece that's understated to the point of nothing actually happening.
Seems the only reason for anyone turning up on set was to collect theirs...
Better not be lost on the Oscar jury...
Not so much a snake in the grass as a wee touch of class.
Not quite as dull as it's worthy status would suggest. Less whodunit and more didhedoit?
Braveheart with katanas and a short dude. Impressive battle scenes compensate for an all too familiar tale.
Teutonic Se7en-esque thriller. Enjoyable for what it is but may wear its influences too obviously for some.
Breathtakingly baffling hour of indecipherable madness.
Marginally overlong U.S. Civil War drama, variously mushy and bloody but rather good nonetheless.
Exactly what you'd expect from a conjoined twin Farrelly outing, daft but fun.
More of the usual, ought to keep the kids happy but the parents will suffer somewhat.
Come back Lara Croft, all is forgiven!
Uniformly dreary 70's aping hitman identity farce, failing to be amusing or exciting.
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it an adequate thriller? Yeah, that's about right.
Starring zombies and apparently directed by one as well.
Mediocre relationship drama surrounded with terrific classical music renditions.
Quite simply one of the best films of the year. Nuff said.
Elvish has left the building.
Not a filthy euphemism, rather a true tale of excitement and danger in the mountains. Ooooh!
Body swap remake shenanigans for the teen market that's turned out surprisingly well.
Trailblazing self-referential neo-slasher that ends up stuck between a comedy rock and horror hard place.
Mystifyingly well received growing pains drama that wants some cheese to go with its whine.
Yank Trainspotting derivative that's trying hard. Oh, so very, very trying.
Drug addiction, police corruption, melodramatic relationship woes which will seem familiar to watchers of the Trilogy series.
Someone needs to get back to the bear necessities...
Staggeringly idiotic time travel craptacular. Trust us, it is as bad as everyone says it is.
Saccharine laden concept romcom for the ADD generation
Seriously weak, astonishingly tardy.
Occasionally surreal romcom charmer weakened only by jarring interruptions from the other Trilogy films.
Classic, overlooked forgery thriller that's as lethal today as it ever was. Skill...
Difficult to like, difficult to judge. Professional relationship cynic Neil LaBute strikes again.
Slightly above average naval chase hokum. Needs 40% more buckles swashed.
Awful acting, horrible plot, barely decent action scenes, really nice bridge.
More top quality gurning from Will Ferrell hides an uninspired story well.
Ponderous French Day of the Jackal wannabe whose only real failing is a really daft final scene.
Coma-inducing tale of island intrigue. More Marshmallow Man than Wicker Man.
Sentimental but engaging family drama easily carried by it's two young stars.
More suburban issue exploration from Hanif Kureishi, unfortunately crushingly boring issues no matter how worthy.
Professionally bland 'one woman's struggle' tale that's more of a style clash mish mash than a top class award bash.
Bold. Brash. Bobbins.
All hail the thrill-less revolution. At least it's not getting any worse.
A horse, of course. Great performances enhance an occasionally turgid tale of restoring hope.
Heavy-handed drama and an acting tour de force. Cry me a river.
Unnecessary and boring slasher remake.
Surface skimming look at electronic music in general. Interesting but too wide ranging to feel complete.
Camp-two-three, mince-two-three, snort-heroin-two-three, make-god-awful-film-two-three.
Calm down. Fears of a Coen disaster are averted by a fine romantic comedy.
Digs itself several, but clambering out of them presents no problem. Both roundly and cylindrically entertaining.
Occasionally I'm bad, and have to be punished. This is of the cruel and unusual variety.
Somewhat soulless homage to, well, everything else. Nothing like as good as what it's attempting to imitate.
Fun little fluff filled fancy that captures a fraction of that old school chemistry.
Very nearly not a 'ho-hum'. Decent enough horror antics with a hint of very odd humour.
Tonight on The Oliver Stone Show, Fidel Castro! Cue applause!
How this much stuff can be destroyed and still not be interesting is beyond me.
Tightly plotted con drama. Amongst its weaponry are such elements as distinctive dialogue, great twists and nice red uniforms
Computer-rendered anthropomorphic fish buddy rescue comedy? With added turtles? Killer, dude.
Amiable enough semi-historical effort that isn't as epic as it ought to be.
Utterly disjointed directorial debut from Rob Zombie. Certainly a nightmare of sorts.
Downbeat Trocchi adaptation. Humping and pumping but very little sumping on the canals of Scotland.
Another welcome addition to the confidence trickster canon. Analyse This Sting.
Teen drama with feeling, think rom-com but without the weight of suckitude that normally entails.
Blade-lite for silly young goths. Over 12? Avoid...
Johnny Depp excels in this enjoyably daft bulletfest despite the messy plot.
By the book teen comedy, a-haw-he-haw.
Foul-mouthed Aussie heist drama / comedy that gets more right than wrong.
An overlooked modern noir classic from an overlooked modern noir director.
Competent heist caper but can't match the sheer fun of its predecessor.
More animated genius from Miyazaki as The Mouse tries to muscle in.
Bruce in the jungle. He go shooty bang-bangs.
Musical showcase for Mariah fans only, if there's any left. Otherwise as appealing as being dunked in acid.
Cube director Natali returns with a brainwashing sci-fi thriller that's almost a classic.
They're going to learn how to fly. Teen angst and show tunes which ends up being surprisingly watchable.
Lazy Britcom for the bowls revivalists. Now with added fat man.
Lovely French animation that finally provides the Tour De France / Mafia crossover we've been waiting for.
Vaguely true tale that boils down to a female The Full Monty. Lightweight and enjoyable.
Eventually a subtle satire on the cop/buddy genre, takes way too long to reach it.
Cult sci-fi camp that fails to fill the void of modern viewing expectations. A memory sullied.
Minimalist road trip that reaps great reward. One for the character fans.
Another scraping from the bottom of the teen-oriented horror barrel.
Mad as a barrel of spiders. Chop sockey CG fitba' antics that bemuse and amuse.
Sharp suits, moody looks and lots of dirty crooks. Worth a squiz.
A descriptive title. Diverting David vs. Goliath courtroom comedy, if you'll pardon the expression.
Twistin'..twistin'..twistin' the night away. Extremely convoluted, quite exploitative, mildly enjoyable in a trashy way.
Asks a lot of questions of its audience, but ultimately the answers aren't too enjoyable to find.
Thought provoking sci-fi, perhaps not as deep as some claim but undeniably gorgeous.
Note to Pie makers, this is what's called 'funny'.
Great character study, eh readers? (Wink).
Scare-free, blood-soaked, clich?-ridden, hilarious. Keeps its tongue firmly in cheek until ripped out in a shower of crimson.
The squeak of rusty wheels? Here cometh my Vitriol Cannon, you stinky motherf**ker you!
This girl wants shot. Utterly sub-par supposed comedy.
Have your swashes well and truly buckled by Depp and co in this shallow but hugely enjoyable summer romp. Aaaaar!
Pretty but pretty pointless tale that doesn't seem to say what it's been intended to comment on.
Sci-fi time-travel alien hokum that plunders ideas from Hollywood but remains fun, with a decent identity of its' own.
Oft-overlooked debut feature gem from Japanese master Miyazaki that's high on character and action.
Stylish but ultimately average wire-fu based mayhem. Needs more fighting. Must try harder, B-.
Fancy watching someone else play a video game on a cinema screen? Here you go...
Rated Eh? for occasional peril and sustained randomness. Gimmick laden nonsense; inspired or awful, I can't quite decide.
Astonishingly stupid and entirely unnecessary sequel that forgets to include the laughs.
A true cinematic turd floating aimlessly down the painfully slow and meandering river of it's own pointless ineptitude.
Flawed but watchable true life tale of a flawed but courageous Irish reporter ain't the Oscar fodder it hopes to be.
Decent comedy with an important moral at its heart.
Them robots just keep on comin'. Amazingly a huge franchise sequel that almost delivers the goods!
One of the best sequels ever made, and the film that paved the way for all future effects movies.
Definitely not third time lucky for Schwarzenegger and Reitman in a film in which even the actors can't be bothered.
Unapologetic clunker of a movie iceberg that sunk the Teutonic. Not so much Collateral as Critical damage for the big man.
Average in every way thriller with some really silly guns but no surprises.
The ultimate chase movie, and the film that made Arnold Schwarzenegger a superstar. Praise Be.
Wisecracking satire of capitalism and game shows. Pure action-oriented fun.
Mildly amusing comedy but with too many unnecessary elements for its own good.
Slick kiddy & adult pleasing junior-James Bond knockabout, purposefully hackneyed and exceptionally good fun.
Schwarzenegger kicks alien butt as he consolidates his position as king of the '80s action flick.
Hack, slash, act poorly, lather, rinse, repeat. Disposable pseudo-Conan follow-up.
Thank you, drive through. Schumacher's textbook example of franchise-icide.
Cameron's weakest film is a mixed bag of excitement and boredom that kept Arnie's head above water.
A lighter fluffier followup, which wasn't the right direction to go at all.
Ah-nuld confirms his comedy credentials in this pleasing action romp.
Double Whammy; a Tom DiCillo travesty. Presumably the title refers to the script and the acting.
Somewhat turgid drama, good but would be better on fast-forward.
Take a ride through Jules Verne-inspired skies in this amazing Japanese adventure story for all ages.
The only enemy he can't conquer is time, which has left this looking a bit silly.
Flat yet watchable rumble between Arnie and Satan fuelled by pre-millennial angst.
Unconventional Chicago cop mismatched with stoic Russian cop? That'll be the 80's then. Relentlessly decent crime knockabout
Highly enjoyable German unification culture clash comedy drama.
Reality and insanity collide for a Vietnam vet who sees demons in his sleep.
Arnie and Verhoeven? A match made in heaven. Top notch sci-fi hokum.
Slick, disposable, entertaining; that's Arnie...
Forgotten gem is the First Action-Art Movie
A Disko top 5 movie of all time. Stunning character comedy from the ever-excellent Coen brothers.
80s action cinema ruled, and here's the King of the Ring
2 Arnies for the price of 1 in a decent sci-fi knockabout, although the potential was there to make a classic.
Dubbed Arnie knockabout nonsense with tongue firmly in cheek. I think.
Violence and slapstick? An immensely funny film from Korea? Do my eyes deceive me? No, no they don't.
Violent but tender Korean tale of an unwitting prostituted abused yet adored by a street thug. Difficult but worthwhile.
Decent, uninspired comedy fit for child and adult consumption.
Entertaining but strangely pointless prison observation.
Style over substance, introspectiveness over action? Yeah, but it's fascinating to watch even if the story itself isn't.
Epic-aping redemption tale that seems to have been overly hard-done by.
You're in the army now...GET OUT, QUICK!
Pretty decent spy slash buddy comedy spoof.
The doctor responsible for most of his own patients is back!
Sinfully good or Holy shit? An explosion-overload unfortunately renders this sequel closer to the latter.
The spawny little get. Enjoy the philosophical meanderings of a young ladies man in this unexpectedly charming romp.
Cop-bashing corruption drama that trundles along doing little of interest.
Tip-top hip-hop rom-com non-bomb.
Horrifying. But not in a good way.
Part time action and Christmas Temp direction mar this otherwise acceptable HK romp.
Another identikit Hollywood comedy, bland and inoffensive.
Has the makings of an engrossing tale but the focus is on the wrong character.
The franchise starts to shake under Schumacher's influence. Watchable, but barely.
10 PRINT 'Basic is rubbish'
20 GOTO 10
It's all about the cars, baby. Kinda like the first one but without Vin Diesel, which improves it no end.
Symbolism that causes embolisms. Weird, beautiful, bizarre, certainly not dull but perhaps too artsy for it's own good.
Forget Identity, this is quality Cusack and no mistake.
A movie with a crisis.
A largely unnecessary prequel that's fairly funny if you like this kind of thing.
Nicholson and Sandler show chemistry in an unlikely, but funny tale of therapy.
The ultimate teen vampire movie still washes redder than red, even at 16!
90 minutes of enjoyable antipodean gangster fun. Nothing more, nothing less.
Our hero Don 'The Dragon' Wilson takes on the L.A. 'Underground' in this less than sensible beat-em-up.
The cartoons have you. A nice collection of shorts for the anime fan or the Matrix fan.
Pull over and surrender to this gem of a road comedy. It's the law!
Tension-free game of cat and mouse. Stick with Tom & Jerry.
Corrective fluid not required for this provocative yet enlightening observation on unorthodox relationships.
Off-kilter Spanish Faust reworking, compelling in a bizarre sort of way.
Divorced parents beware: your children may be at risk if you do not keep up repayments on your utility bills.
Shoddy third rate HK action flick, 20% chop-socky, 20% gun fights, 60% cheese.
"What fresh hell is this?," an unusually apt line from this inexcusably tired pseudo comedy.
Geniunely heart-warming Argentinean mid-life crisis tale.
Well executed execution tale.
Or perhaps more accurately The Matrix Rehashed
Entertaining knockabout identity farce that pretty much hits the spot.
Absolutely average, but more amusing than you may expect.
Both funny ha-ha and funny peculiar. Think The Sound Of Music meets Wallace & Gromit with added zombies.
Stylised, but with substance to back it up - a nifty look at a deaf & dumb hitman's plight.
The pitch - tooth fairy meets Freddy Krueger. The result - an outright shambolic waste of time and effort.
Perhaps Hitchcock's purest film; tightly scripted, taughtly played, immaculately directed. Suuuuuuperb.
Young, dumb and full of fun. Will Ferrell elevates a potentially dodgy frat house caper to the promised land of laughter.
Entirely silly, unpolished popcorn fodder that feels like Hollywood but tastes like Korea.
Top-notch comic-book adaptation, rip-roaring action flick and engaging social commentary.
Well above average character studies put this drama a few notches above the norm.
Desperately silly kung-fu parody that hits and misses in equal measure.
Prologue to The Matrix Reloaded that doesn't tell us anything we don't already know, but looks nice while doing it.
Follow the white rabbit on an action-packed journey through the sci-fi looking glass.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...
Action - Characterisation + Explosions = Brief but fun anime.
Stylish. Sultry. Steamy. Superb. The Wachowski brothers prepare for The Matrix with this little number.
Good, clean, ass-kicking fun with a trio of hot young ladies. Life is good.
A tepid Mafia romance drama that doesn't live up to its billing as a black comedy.
Grotesque garbage with a penchant for nihilistic sex and violence.
Coen-esque comedy quirkiness that falls just short of the mark.
Highs cannot be appreciated without lows. This is the closest to a ground state of awfulness that there can possibly be.
theOneliner's mascot Don 'The Dragon' Wilson vows to avenge his brother's death in this insanely original kickboxing flick.
A loving ode to those who suffer daily in cubicle coffins. Quality observation comedy is afoot...
Preety French laydeez 'aving ze nookie on 'oliday. A haw-hee-haw!
A kung-fu Indiana Jones? Charismatic performances from the leads make this more enjoyable than you may expect.
Sniper thriller that makes a refreshing break from the norm.
All the ideas are there although could use a bigger special effects budget.
Eeuurgh. Awful. Just awful.
Offbeat Spanish oddity about fortune and guilt that's high on concept but low on style.
Inept secret agent, inept jokes, inept direction, just all kinds of inept.
Rocky on a surfboard, 8 Miles at sea. Surprisingly good drama of the 'overcoming obstacles' mould.
Sex 'n' Drugs 'n' Rock 'n' Roll. Inventive, enjoyable but slightly flawed take on American college excess.
You have offended his family, and you have offended a Shaolin temple...
Surprisingly intelligent nuke thriller from the pen of Tom Clancy.
Hold on to your top hat and pipe; Chan and Wilson are back to deconstruct Victorian England in fine style.
Killer thriller? Not quite, but it's entertaining enough to be worth a look.
The commercial corruption of kids T.V. gets an offbeat and humorous assessment in this non-kiddy comedy.
Lacking in any substance of note, relying on stereotypes and clich? to pad out the plot.
Jet Li and DMX all up in the hizziz, yo bitch-ass motherf**kers! Joel Silver unleashes another mid-budget clunker. A'ight?
Simply stunning fantasy kung-fu, somehow managing to surpass Crouching Tiger in sheer beauty.
Average, yet better than expected disaster flick / CGI-fest.
Charlie Kaufman's head is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
I think James Cameron, Paul Verhoeven and David Fincher are gonna sue somebody.
Paranoia! Guns! Subliminal Messaging! Wrestling! A low budget but superb, wonderfully rounded slice of sci-fi.
Too convoluted for it's own good, but surprisingly reasonable nonetheless.
Thankfully not part four of the British 70's sex comedies.
A Van Damme-less sequel to a Van Damme film that manages to be worse than the original? Jings...
Amateurish drivel, like a cut rate, joyless Battlestar Galactica knock-off.
A different kind of eight legged freak.
A serious subject dealt with in a contemptibly ridiculous manner.
The law of diminishing returns applies to this unnecessary sequel.
It's about...oh go on, have a guess...
Unexpectedly reasonable self-parodying sci-fi actioner on an itty-bitty budget.
Fascist condemnation sci-fi for the action-oriented. The Bale-meister brings it on!
A film featuring nuns that's more miserable than Sister Act 2? Thankfully of a far higher calibre though.
Stealing a better script might have been preferable.
Welcome to the future - it's broken. Cronenberg helpfully defines mediocrity for us.
Abstract remake of an abstract original beloved of abstract arty-types begs to be given a chance.
Traitors, traitors everywhere. This Hong Kong blockbuster shows us how Cop dramas should be done.
Above-par horror/drama/submarine movie that's better than the genre-pollination would suggest.
With a stunning title like that, it'd better be able to back it up. Thankfully, it can.
The antithesis of an adult movie, and all the funnier for it.
A flushing sound? That'll be Billy Crystal's career.
Quite far from having any kind of point to it as well.
Fitting it deals with invisibility, as you'll wish you hadn't seen it.
Your parents always told you that watching too much TV would be bad for your health
This Austin Powers wannabe's got soul.
Beautiful, violent, charming, unsettling masterwork from the most original director alive.
Abstract title, generic anime.
Eighties chic meets serial-killing Wall Street brokers in this stunning diatribe on Reagan culture.
Nurse! 50cc's of adrenaline, stat! Pacing problems hinder this disappointing effort.
Another madman, another plan for global domination. Only the X-Men can save us!
Those vampires just never learn, but who said Blade was gonna stop teachin'?
This is one film where calling it 'hellish' is actually appropriate.
Do you still believe a man can fly? The archetype of the superhero film holds up well today.
Why don't they ever think to trap him between a giant tumbler and a massive playing card? Villains these days...
Vampires! Swords! Guns! Blade promises action and delivers it with gusto.
A novel way of adapting a comic for a movie - totally ignoring it.
Shame they didn't get the destination right first time round.
A romantic comedy that frequently made me laugh? I must be in my mid-twenties or something...
Apparently it's the most low budget Way possible.
Anime classic that shows Star Wars what a real space opera is.
Religious discussion, theoretical physics, and Alice Cooper as a homeless bum. Not your average horror movie, then?
Adequate aquatic adventure acquires apt and accurate appellation.
"There's something in the fog!" warns Stevie Wayne. Better get the washing in then...
Nicholson excels in an excellent film.
Whatever happened to Bruce Boxleitner? Find out inside...
Could it be a top-drawer mainstream Hollywood comedy that actually delivers more than it promises? Gasp!
Decent enough entertainment but it's far from a divine experience.
Somewhere between genius and the nut-house lies Arrakis.
Kurosawa with hats, booze, sand and large calibre automatics.
Unexpectedly fantastic romcom / slasher variant.
Worthy sequel or RoboCop-out? You have 20 seconds to comply...
#His name is Bobby, ah-a-ah, Bobby De Niro, ah-a, he's a really nice person, and a really good actor#
About as deep as a puddle.
Of course it's silly. What were you expecting?
Half Vin Diesel's weight, but twice the punching power. Go Jackie!
Kevin Smith's treatise on teen culture fails to rise from mediocrity.
Spielberg comes over all gritty and noir in a stylish future-thriller...
Turgid Seventh Seal - Counterstrike hybrid bores more than it entertains.
Hugely enjoyable techno-babble thriller.
Important movie making at it's most powerful, but where are the Brits?
I think James Cameron's gonna sue somebody.
A harrowing depiction of a life in which innocence will get you killed.
It's got action written all the way through it...
Kicking. Punching. Magic. What more could you want, except any kind of structure?
A classic romantic comedy going down the unusual road of missing out the romance and the comedy.
David Mamet provides further proof that jobs = bad.
To boldly go where no one has gone before. Apart from the 9 other films. Obviously. And the 5 TV series...
Excuse me David, can I have my brain back please?
AKIRA is apparently the ultimate power, but is it the ultimate anime?
We all live in a Red submarine...
It's certainly stupid, but is it art?
A chilling warning to producers who don't keep Miike Takashi on a short lead.
Guns don't kill people, Americans kill people
A-list Hollywood 'we love Soderbergh' wank-fest...
Eminem in an excellent performance as, um.... Eminem
The finest collection of quotes known to humanity...
It's Aliens. Only in Scotland. And with Werewolves.
Doubters 0, Jackson 2
A dramatic drama full of dramatic dialogue in a dramatic idiom.
Hellraiser in a trench, but not as unspeakably awful as that concept sounds.